


You almost killed me!

by elfjaem



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, College Student Mark Lee (NCT), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, donghyuck is a drama boy, high school student donghyuck, mark drives a motorcycle wth, nohyuck dating but BAM!! Mark appears, this is NOT a nohyuck fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfjaem/pseuds/elfjaem
Summary: Donghyuck has always lived a perfect life with Jeno, his best friend and boyfriend. But who would have thought that would change when a reckless and stupid biker almost killed him?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 65
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!! A long time ago I wrote this fic with others characters (jaeyong lmao and I never published it) but now I wanted to try it with markhyuck~ I don't know how it will turn out with them but here I go!!  
> English is not my first language so if you see a mistake please tell me!! thx<3

February 14th. 

Donghyuck knows exactly where he will be on this day and with whom. He knows exactly what to wear, what to say, what to expect. He doesn't need a message from his boyfriend to know what time to expect him at his door, nor does he need to close his eyes to get a surprise. He knows that Jeno will arrive at 6 p.m. at his house, and they will walk hand in hand to the movie theater where they went on their first date. They will eat popcorn while watching a love movie, and then Jeno will walk him home and give him a kiss on the forehead, because that's how Jeno is, always very attentive and sweet. Then they will talk for a while, and then they will say goodbye with a soft kiss. 

Everybody thinks —better said, Donghyuck's friends— that this is not enough for a Valentine's Day. But that makes it special, because after 6 years of relationship, where can they go next? In which direction? 

They can't do more than go back to the past and relive their first times —or at least try.

Besides, Donghyuck has no reason to complain. He lives his fairy tale by the side of Jeno, his best friend since he was 3 years old and the most popular boy in school —and even that phrase is as cliché as their love story. They both know every part of each other, from their innermost secrets to the details of their looks. They know their lips and their words, they know their hands as the way they hold them.

It is a beautiful, precious, intimate love.

It is perfect even if they are a little different.

Donghyuck is more reserved. Until high school —where he met his current friends— he always had only Jeno, who on the opposite, had friends everywhere and on every corner of the school, and that's how it has been until now.

But despite their differences, Hyuck really loves Jeno. He is not only his boyfriend, but also family. It has always been so, since Hyuck's parents are never home because they are successful entrepreneurs who do not stop traveling around the world. His home is almost always alone except for that one time a month when his parents show up to check on him.

Although that was never a problem for Donghyuck, because is all he needs. They are used to each other. They're used to being the perfect couple, to being icons at school. They're used to people seeing them as the kings of the school: Hyuck being the king of the drama club and Jeno being the king of sports. They are used to living that way.

They are used to their love.

* * *

"The film..."

"It sucked." Donghyuck completes, making them both giggle. "Next year we'll definitely watch an action movie."

"The love ones are getting worse." Jeno adds.

What Hyuck loves most about Valentine's Day is this part. When they both leave the cinema, holding hands and feeling unique in the world. Memories surface within their souls and bodies and they let themselves be carried away by each other's company, speaking through a secret melody composed of their laughter and voices.

It is poetic. It is perfect.

"I still like this, you know?" Jeno says as they walk. "Walking with you, taking you home... I like it. There's no better way to spend Valentine's Day.”

Jeno, still with Hyuck's hand clinging to his, lifts it up and kisses the boy's hand, making him smile. 

H"I like to do those things too." says and then brings his face closer to the boy's to give him a kiss on the cheek. "But I'm going to change my partner next year.” Donghyuck says with a mischievous smile.

Jeno raises an eyebrow, and even if he tries, he can't wipe the smile off his face. "After six years you think you're going to get away from me?” 

Hyuck lets go of Jeno's hand to run away from him, while the other one comes out chasing him. The breeze rushes against his face, making the atmosphere more refreshing than it was. They both laugh as they run, feeling again those innocent children they were, when they knew nothing of love. They only knew that they had each other, and that was enough.

As Hyuck escapes from Jeno, he slows down as he crosses the street, barely able to breathe. Jeno reaches out and hugs him around the waist, laughing and enjoying each other's company. But suddenly, as if the whole world was spinning in the blink of an eye, Hyuck sees his backpack and all his things scattered on the ground, and a motorcycle in front of him.

"What the fuck?" Jeno exclaims obviously angry, scowling and making his voice deeper than it is. 

If it weren't for the situation they're in, Hyuck would be kissing him for how cute he is when he is angry.

"You almost killed us!" Jeno yells at the biker who almost crashed into them on the street. 

Donghyuck still doesn't react, he wouldn't even know what happened if it wasn't for Jeno's screams and, well, the bike in front of them. 

The person driving gets off the bike, and without taking off the helmet that covers their whole head, bends down and begins to pick up Donghyuck's things, who manages to react to this action. He also bends down and begins to quickly pick up all his things, and grabs the ones the person has in their hand. Then he goes immediately to the sidewalk and stays waiting for Jeno, while he looks around and sees the whole crowd watching him.

He doesn't even know who was wrong or not, the only thing he knows is that at one point he was in Jeno's arms and then all his things were on the floor. 

After a couple of minutes, Jeno arrives at his side, still upset and frowning. 

"That stupid bastard, if he can't drive a fucking bike then don't drive!" Jeno exclaims. "I asked him for the license plate of his bike and..." Jeno interrupts himself when he sees Hyuck looking at the street without a miserable expression on his face. "Baby, are you okay?"

Donghyuck finally wakes up from the little mess in his head, and sets his eyes on Jeno. "What did you say?"

"Baby, did you hit your head? Are you okay?" Jeno looks notoriously worried, which brings Hyuck even more back to planet Earth. He can't help but be moved by his boyfriend.

"Yes, pretty. I was just... surprised, I don't know. Near-death experience, you know?" Hyuck smiles to calm him down.

"But are you okay?" Jeno asks again, taking his boyfriend's face in his hands.

"Yeah, big baby." Donghyuck smiles even bigger and more moved.

"I'm not a baby." Jeno says as he pouts.

Hyuck can't resist and gives him a little kiss, because he definitely has the best man in the world.

* * *

Hyuck, as he does every year when he arrives home after his Valentine's Day with Jeno, would text his friends and tell them about the movie they saw. Then he would probably read something on the internet, and play the new game that Jisung recommended. 

He would, of course, if he had his cell phone with him.

Donghyuck desperately looks for his cell phone among the things inside his backpack, even in his clothes. Nothing. 

Jeno could have it, but it wouldn't make sense. He never passed his cell phone to him, and Jeno would have brought it home to him as soon as he realized. But no, Jeno hasn't returned, and it's been an hour since Jeno left him on his doorstep.

He might have dropped it at the movies, but he doesn't remember taking it out at that time either. It could have been when he was running, but Jeno, who was behind him, would have noticed.

Or it could have been... 

“For fuck’s sake." Donghyuck mumbles angrily, remembering exactly where he could have dropped it.

And who perfectly could have taken it.

"That fucking thief-biker-killer" He mutters.

But knowing this is of no use to him. It's not like he can go back in time and take the cell phone out of that person's hands. All he can do is open his laptop and enter the message app that's connected to his cell phone. That way he can write to his friends about his day and to Jeno about the loss of his cell phone.

Or maybe not.

Because, besides having messages from the people he was expecting, he has ones that completely unsettle him.

**Unknown**

tomorrow. 6 pm. same street. 

and for your safety

i won't ride a motorcycle.


	2. Chapter 2

Connecting the dots was not difficult at all, especially for someone like Hyuck, whose head works faster than other people's. Only with the mention of the motorcycle, he could immediately know who it was.

However, the doubts are far from being removed from his head.

**Donghyuck**

how dare you steal my cell phone, you fucking thief

Hyuck is someone who is calm most of the time. He tries to be patient and understand people. He tries to be empathetic, not to attack immediately. But sometimes he can't, and his head is nothing but a sea of rage, which will turn into the most dangerous explosion.

Like now.

**Unknown**

you practically gifted it to me

**Donghyuck**

what the fuck

**Unknown**

when you took your things from my hand you forgot to take one 

thank you for the gift tho

Well, it makes sense. Hyuck quickly left the place and didn't even stop to check if anything was missing. So this person may not be a thief as such, but they are still troublesome and irritating. What the fuck does this annoying human want to achieve by joking around like this? Ha, a gift. 

Hyuck really tries to be patient, but he just can't. 

And how the fuck...

**Donghyuck**

how the fuck do you have my number

**Unknown**

you literally have it written on the back of your cell phone

Yes, Hyuck is smart. But not full-time. Maybe he shouldn't be so hard on this person, maybe he should be a little bit nicer because obviously it was all an accident and this person is just trying to give his cell phone back.

**Donghyuck**

tomorrow at 6

same place

bye

**Unknown**

will you go with your boyfriend?

**Donghyuck**

what

why you ask

**Unknown**

just

don't go with him

:) bye

Well, that's scary. So fucking scary, actually. Why would they ask that if it wasn't to kill or kidnap him? 

Hyuck is not a scary person, but this is... unusual. It's not every day that he loses his cell phone and a stranger asks him to go alone to get it back. 

Perhaps this will become his last day of life.

* * *

Why is he nervous? This person will just pass him his cell phone and leave. That's it. Nothing else. What else could happen? It's not like this person is a killer. Well, he almost killed Donghyuck and Jeno on Valentine's Day. 

But it's not like it's going to happen again, right?

"Focus, please!" The teacher yells at Donghyuck, who shows in his face the obvious concern of what will happen later.

The bell rings to leave the classroom. Donghyuck plans to leave as soon as possible for his empty house, and wait until the expected time comes.

But he had forgotten one small detail.

His boyfriend. The one he doesn't have to bring today.

"Are you all right?" Jeno asks him with obvious concern outside the classroom. The older takes both of the boy's hands in front of him, making Donghyuck's heart calm. Because Jeno always manages to do that, he manages to calm the storms that Hyuck lives through. "You were distracted during the whole class. Is something wrong?"

It would be no problem to tell him that he lost his cell phone yesterday and that today he will meet a stranger to get it back. But Jeno is... Jeno. As long as he's protecting Hyuck, he's capable of anything. 

If Hyuck told him, Jeno would go with him and be able to beat this person up, or he could sue him for theft. Jeno is the kindest soul he knows, he is the angel that protects Hyuck.

And that's why sometimes his decisions are not... the best.

And the only thing Hyuck wants is to get out after this problem, and get his cell phone back as quietly and quickly as possible. 

So the best thing Hyuck can do now, is to avoid the issue —not to say lying to his boyfriend. "Just... a lot of studying to do."

"I understand, I'm the same way." Jeno puts his arm around his shoulders as they both head out of school. He never mistrusts Hyuck, that lying or not telling Jeno something feels like a sin. "Do you have something to do today? We could study together." 

Hyuck hesitates for a moment if he should tell him, but no, he's really going to worry. And he said he's busy with a lot of studying, so better not to give him any more worries. Besides, it's not like Hyuck is doing anything bad or very important. Or dangerous. 

"I'll study with Renjun.” Hyuck says with a tight chest, because lying to Jeno will always be the worst sin. And it's not like Hyuck was a big believer, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to pray a little tonight.

The two of them arrive at the school exit, and stand in front of each other. Jeno smiles, and Hyuck could melt right there. Because even though he have known Jeno's smile since he was 3 years old, it's always been the most amazing and incredible thing to him.

And to lie to him when he smiles like that, is really a sin. Hyuck is destined to go to hell. 

"Don't worry, I'll see if Shotaro wants to study with me.” Hyuck gently fakes a smile, the guilt still consumes him. Jeno takes him by the waist and sticks him to his body, while Hyuck instinctively puts his arms around his neck. "I will miss you though."

Hyuck smiles. "What will you study?" 

Jeno looks away, pretending to be thinking. "With Shotaro I will study physics." He turns his eyes to his little boyfriend, while drawing a mischievous smile on his face. Hyuck knows in advance what kind of thing Jeno will say. "But with you I was planning to study anatomy.”

Hyuck laughs as he shakes his head, and Jeno arches an eyebrow. "You're like a horny teenager who can't think of anything but sex when he's with his boyfriend.”

"I am literally that." Jeno says and Hyuck laughs even louder. "I'm leaving.” Jeno brings his face closer to Hyuck's to plant a kiss on his spongy lips. "I love you.” Jeno says softly, inches away from Hyuck.

"I love you too.” Hyuck responds, and the two separate after a last sweet kiss. 

Maybe for some people it's not a big lie. In fact, for Hyuck it's not a big lie either. But it is the action of lying that concerns Hyuck. It's like lying to your guardian angel, your best friend, your soul mate. 

But it won't matter though once this day is over, will it? Everything will be resolved, and Hyuck will tell Jeno everything. And it will be a laughable story.

Hyuck is amazed at how he always finds comfort in Jeno, even just thinking about him. And Hyuck's walk home becomes lighter, less troublesome, more comfortable. He forgets a little of his previous worries and leaves behind the feeling of guilt. 

Jeno always soothes his soul.

But that lasts until Donghyuck gets home, and opens his laptop.

**Unknown**

i hope you haven't forgotten!!

Why does this person write to him? It's not like Donghyuck would forget to get his cell phone back. He is a teenager, the first thing on his mind —after his boyfriend— is his cell phone. 

What a strange person this is.

**Donghyuck**

you wish

thief

**Unknown**

me, wishing you would forget me?

never

Yeah, now that's bullshit. Is this person flirting with him? What audacity. First, almost killing him. Second, taking his cell phone. Third, flirting with him knowing he has a boyfriend. 

Hyuck begins to be afraid, seriously.

**Donghyuck**

mh yeah what the fuck

you know i'll just take my cell phone and go, right?

**Unknown**

i hope so?

do you want to do something else?

What kind of person is this? And if he is an old man looking for young people to...? No, it can't be, Hyuck remembers that the figure of the person was like someone young. 

But even though they are young, they are quite odd. 

**Donghyuck**

i'll just see you later bye

don't take your motorcycle

**Unknown**

yeah and you don't take your boyfriend


	3. Chapter 3

The time has come. 

Hyuck is agitated. His heart is racing. He doesn't know why, but he is nervous about this encounter, as if his life is at risk or something is going to happen. As if he is approaching danger with every step he takes, with every breath he takes. What's wrong with this? He doesn’t know.

But nothing. Nothing has to happen. 

He's a block away from the accident. No, almost. Almost accident. The closer he gets, the more his heart squeezes. He sees no one on the street, nor in the surroundings. There is not a single soul. He sees the time on his watch. 6:01 pm. What if it was all a scam? What if this person was just playing with him? What if the person in the chat is not the same as the one on the bike? 

All sorts of thoughts go through his head. 6:02 p.m. Nothing yet, not a trace, not a person on the empty street. Hyuck begins to regret going alone, maybe he should have even warned Jeno. 

Now is probably the last moment of his life and his boyfriend doesn't know it. That sucks.

Hyuck is not a person who scares easily, but now, you could say he is scared. Just a little —or only that he's able to admit.

What if something happens to him? 

He should have known something like that would happen. He was naive. Who would give up a fully functional cell phone? There's a reason they said to go without Jeno. The stranger wanted him to be helpless. 6:03 p.m. He should leave now. 

But Hyuck prefers to be optimistic, even if it's just for another minute. So he decides to stand on one of the corners and wait there. Maybe the person can't find him because he's not on a visible side. Or maybe the person doesn't remember his face. He doesn't lose hope completely. Although it doesn't matter, he thinks. He can buy himself a new one. 

He can't believe that he came to risk his life for his stupid cell phone. 

6:04 pm. 

"4 minutes late." A voice says behind him. Hyuck pauses for a second. Fear, intrigue, he doesn't know the exact feeling. Without wanting to keep his chest tight, he decides to face the situation once and for all. He turns around slowly, and he sees him. "I assume my fault." The boy in front of him shows a soft smile.

He is... is he allowed to think this? There's nothing wrong with it... it shouldn't be. The boy is... handsome. Indescribably handsome. He's the kind of guy that he is sure everyone is dying for. He looks him in the eye and all he finds is a... homey glow? He can't describe it... but it's a look that makes him feel at home. Cozy! That's right. Why does a stranger feel cozy? No... he only thinks this because he's attractive, and attractive people have that effect on other people. His black hair and his pure smile... This kid must be really popular wherever he studies. His cheekbones look so soft, if he wasn't a complete stranger, Hyuck would touch them. Donghyuck is not someone who is easily stared at, or maybe he is, he doesn't know it. His eyes have always belonged to Jeno and his beauty. 

God, Jeno. 

Hyuck clears his throat awkwardly as he remembers his boyfriend. He doesn't know what to do, or what to say. And the boy keeps smiling at him, and Hyuck might smile at him too. But his brain doesn't work very well right now. 

It's his brain's fault, though. He was expecting an old man or a killer, not a cute boy his age. No, just a boy. 

Why does he think so much? 

"My cell phone." Hyuck says stretching out his hand, in a voice that can hardly be heard, avoiding the other boy's gaze. Hyuck is not like that. He blames it on fear. Stupid fear that comes when it doesn't have to. 

"At your command." The boy puts his hand into his pants pocket, and Hyuck feels scared for a moment. Maybe he'll pull out a gun. But when the boy pulls out Hyuck's cell phone, his heart is completely calm. And then he plants his gaze on how the boy is dressed in front of him. He's wearing black jeans and red Converse. " _A Converse boy_ " Hyuck thinks. He looks up and stops at his white T-shirt, with a Mickey Mouse figure on the left side of his chest. Hyuck smiles instinctively at the sight of that. It's cute. 

The boy stretches the cell phone out to Donghyuck, who takes it and turns it on. Everything is in perfect condition. 

"Thank you for bringing my cell phone," Hyuck says shyly, as he gives him a tiny smile. The boy in front of him smiles wider. 

"You're welcome.” The boy says. "I guess... that's it, isn't it?" Hyuck stands still looking at him, and the boy laughs slightly. "Apparently, it is. Goodbye, then." He raises his hand in farewell mode, turns around, and walks away from Hyuck.

That's it. He should also go now... but he doesn't move. He's there watching him walk away, and Hyuck feels tiny. Like an ant that wants to talk to a lion.

But Hyuck has never been an ant. Hyuck is a bear. 

"Why did you ask me to come here without my boyfriend?" He raises his voice so the boy can hear him. He couldn't help but ask, because in addition to the doubt consuming him, Donghyuck feels like it's wrong to end the conversation there. The stranger turns around and smiles. He retraces his steps towards the smaller.

"Yesterday he almost hit me." He says once in front of Hyuck. "He would have done it if you hadn't run away.” The boy shrugs and then puts his hands in his pockets. "I was afraid that if he came with you, this time he would.”

He is right. Jeno would have hit him if he saw him. Even more so if he found out he took Hyuck's cell phone, even if it was a mistake. So Hyuck has nothing to say against it, and just nods his head.

"Anything else?" The boy asks with a smile. 

" _This boy smiles too much._ ” Hyuck thinks. 

"A-Ah" He hesitates. Why does he find it hard to talk so much? 

"A-ah" The taller imitates him, while giving another smile to Hyuck, who feels really smaller now. He's a bear, but a gummy bear. 

"No, nothing else." Hyuck manages to say. "I have to go.”

Thanks to Hyuck's brain that helps him formulate two sentences that free him from this situation.

"My pleasure!" The boy stretches out his hand to Hyuck.

He hesitates a bit to accept it, but gives him his as well. The boy offers him another smile, turns around and, this time, he does leave. 

Hyuck arrives home and lies down on the bed in his room. Long day today, and he doesn't want to think anymore. Although what else would he think? He already has his cell phone in his hands. The problem is over. 

He opens his cell phone to check if anything has been lost during the day. But the guilt returns to his mind, when his eyes are not directed first to Jeno's message, but to another. 

**Unknown**

i hope you've arrived well to your home.

;)

Why does he keep talking to him? Should he answer him? Maybe the boy is just being polite. After all, the boy almost killed him and accidentally stole his cell phone. So the boy probably wants to make up for it by being friendly. And Hyuck isn't such an idiot to just ignore him.

**Donghyuck**

yes, i arrived well

Hyuck is not an idiot. He'll just ask him back because he's not an idiot.

**Donghyuck**

you?

Hyuck is not an idiot. He should thank him.

**Donghyuck**

and thank u i guess

**Unknown**

yeah me too haha thanks

what is your name?

Hyuck definitely wasn't expecting that question. He just hoped the boy would finish the conversation and that’s all, one more story to tell for the next few weeks.

But Hyuck won’t be an idiot, and he will answer anyway.

**Donghyuck**

why do you want to know

creepy

Well, no one said that Hyuck would be loving to answer. He is just not being an idiot.

**Unknown**

i don’t know

and i’m not a creepy!!

**Donghyuck** ****

how would i know that

**Unknown**

i just thought that we could be friends

**Donghyuck**

yeah no

There is nothing wrong with the boy. It's just that it's weird. Hyuck likes to make new friends, but under normal circumstances. Not this way, and less behind Jeno's back. Well, he'll tell him everything tomorrow though.

And maybe not being an idiot would also imply answering in a good way.

Donghyuck sighs. 

**Donghyuck**

fine

i'm Donghyuck

what about you, creepy man

**Unknown**

funny

i'm Mark

everything was fine with the phone?

Hyuck smiles unconsciously, although he wipes his smile as soon as he notices it. 

This boy is gentle.

**Donghyuck**

yeah thanks

**Unknown**

cool :)

now that we are friends

tell me about yourself

This boy can't be real, it's impossible. Hyuck, by his appearance, knows that the boy is about his age. But his way of socializing and talking is... even Hyuck doesn't know how to describe it. If he hadn't seen him in person, he would definitely be scared and block him. But the boy is harmless, apparently. He is just a little odd.

**Donghyuck**

sure, creepy boy

no? uh what the fuck

and what is that emoji

**Unknown**

i'm not a creepy boy!

and i'll tell you about me then

Hyuck shouldn't be interested, but he is. After all, the boy seems nice, and maybe he really just wants a friend. Besides, for Hyuck that's nothing new. At school everyone wants to be like him and Jeno, and everyone wants to share with the most popular couple of the school. 

Hyuck is so used to people who want to get close to him. But this guy doesn't know him at all, and still wants to be his friend. And for Hyuck, that's interesting.

**Unknown**

i'm 19 years old

i'm studying musical composition

i like to sing 

i have a dog

my birthday is on August 2nd

and that's all haha

**Donghyuck**

cool i guess

What else could he say?

Donghyuck sighs and rolls his eyes. Sometimes he hates himself for being like this.

**Donghyuck**

i'm just bad at introducing myself

sorry

That's a lie, because Hyuck is eloquent enough to carry on a decent conversation. But will he really say things about him to a complete stranger? He's already come to the conclusion that Mark wasn't a bad guy, but he's still a guy he's only known for a couple of hours and who took his cell phone.  
But that's how it is now, isn't it? You meet random people on the internet and talk to them as if they were lifelong friends.   
Except that Hyuck doesn't know him only on the Internet.

**Unknown**

it's okay

i'll just wait :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Someone is reading this? jskd I hope the story is going well~  
> mhh I don't know if the messages are annoying to read:( Mark and Hyuck are just getting to know each other, so I have to include them. But there aren't many left! They will have more moments in person and I will try to reduce the messages:(


	4. Chapter 4

Hyuck opens his eyes after a deep sleep after a long day. The first thing he does is take his cell phone out from under his pillow and look at the time. He woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off. Well done, Donghyuck.

His message box is empty. Weird. Jeno always sends him a good morning message. Hyuck's friends haven't talked much lately either, maybe because they're too busy studying. And the guy on the bike, well, he wouldn't have to text him again, especially at 7 a.m. 

Donghyuck leaves his cell phone on the bed, and gets up to prepare for another day of school. He dresses up in his torn black jeans, his black sneakers and his gray sweatshirt. He brushes his hair, and arranges it the way he likes best. He takes his backpack, his cell phone, and goes to the door of his house. He takes the keys hanging in the doorway, and opens the door. 

"Surprise!" Jeno screams, standing outside the house. Donghyuck jumps up and down at the sight of him, and smiles warmly at his boyfriend. Jeno walks towards him, and after putting his hands on his waist, gives him a soft kiss on his lips. 

"Hi, baby." Hyuck greets him, and Jeno shows him that smile of eyes that lights up the world of the other. 

"How did it go yesterday with Renjun?" Jeno asks once they start walking to school holding hands. 

And then, there it is again. Guilt and a tight chest, accompanied by hands that begin to bathe in sweat. Hyuck's face changes completely, and his breathing is cut off for a couple of seconds.

And for someone who's known Hyuck for 14 years, like Jeno, it's easy to say that all is not well.

"Is something wrong?" 

Jeno looks at him worried, and stops in front of Hyuck, making him stop on his own steps. 

Hyuck looks for the strength to look him in the eye. Lying to Jeno, the purest and most beautiful soul he knows, will always be one of the worst challenges he has ever had to go through. 

It sounds dramatic, but Hyuck's life doesn't put many obstacles in his way. His parents are successful entrepreneurs, and his school grades are the best. He has a dream boyfriend and friends, and he's doing really great at the drama club, which he's been a member of all along.

Hyuck's life is perfect, so sometimes Hyuck's only obstacle is himself. Like now.

"No." Hyuck murmurs. "It's just that yesterday..." Now is the perfect time to tell him about the guy on the bike, and not to make the lie bigger. But Hyuck looks into Jeno's eyes, and sees in them the purity and sweetness they always have. And Hyuck can't break them. "Renjun and I talked a lot yesterday, and now that you mention it I just realized that we didn't study anything". Jeno smiles slightly. "I think I'm fucked up."

Jeno squeezes Hyuck against himself, and locks him in his cozy arms. Hyuck knows he doesn't deserve a hug from the angel that is wrapping him up right now, but he can't help but feel safe and loved by them. 

Hyuck hates himself.

"It's okay." Jeno whispers in the ear of the youngest. "It doesn't matter if sometimes things don't go as planned." Jeno steps back and takes the boy's face in his hands. "Look on the bright side, at least you had a good day with Renjun!"

Uh, yes, Hyuck's fucked up. Very, very fucked up. 

* * *

One thing Donghyuck really likes about school is the lunch hour. It's a time when he can talk to his friends and catch up on their lifes. When they're together, they laugh nonstop and gossip about half the people in the school. 

But today won't be one of those days. 

Hyuck's friends —just like him— are too busy trying to get good grades, and to earn credit so they can get a good record and get into college easily. 

So, this time, Hyuck doesn't walk to his usual lunch table, which is now empty. Instead, he heads to the place where Jeno and his group of friends always have lunch. 

And it is chaos.

They are all basketball players. They are restless, sweaty and don't talk, they scream. It is impossible to see them without a ball in their hands and it is impossible not to notice their presence. They laugh at everything and at an extremely annoying volume. They can't sit still for 10 seconds, and they always have to end up talking about gym, sports and dates. If it weren't for their handsome faces, they would be complete idiots. But no, they are all as handsome as screamers, and obviously, those are the requirements to be popular and loved. 

Although Hyuck and Jeno and a few others are different. Jeno is shy, but he's so nice to everyone —apart from having a face and body sculpted by the gods— that he doesn't have to speak up for everyone to notice his presence. Oh, and his grades are totally outstanding, and he's the captain of the basketball team. He has everything people are looking for in a boy. 

Hyuck is shy, too, but he's different. He's not extremely friendly like Jeno, let alone good at sports. But he has good grades, and he's known for his acting skills. He's mystically attractive, and if you ask anyone at school, they'll tell you, "he's got something no one knows what it is”. He's like a magnet, nobody knows how it works but it attracts everyone unconditionally. And Hyuck's friends also cooperate in his popularity. They categorize themselves as the different ones compared to the rest of the school, and if they weren't insanely handsome, they would probably be the typical "nobody knows who they are" of the school —although there's nothing wrong with that, in fact, sometimes they wish they were more unnoticed. But in a world where beauty and good looks matter too much, there's not much they can do about it.

So Hyuck and Jeno, while they may be as popular and "cool" as basketball players and their cheerleaders, are different. But it seems that Hyuck is the only one to notice. 

Jeno is always willing to follow their bullshit, even though he knows it's not his main source of fun. He follows their every joke and becomes the center of attention even when he is the last one to join in doing the stupid shit they are doing.

Jeno transforms with his friends. He becomes another one of those crazy, screaming kids. And Hyuck finds it cute, because of course, it's nice to see Jeno having fun with his friends. But just because it's cute doesn't mean he has to join in too. Not that the boys are boring, but that's not his main definition of fun. 

"I swear I'm going to kill you if you don't pass me that ball!" Lucas shouts at the side of the table, raising his hands.

"You are going to kill me like Renjun killed your feelings?" Hendery answers him from the other side of the table, with the ball in his hands. The rest of the boys and girls at the table scream, laugh and mumble in shock at Hendery's words, and Hyuck could vomit right there. That is, until his boyfriend interrupts the annoying noise of those present.

"Hey, hey. Don't fight over a ball." It is incredible to see how Jeno imposes himself as the leader of the group and how everyone listens to him. Jeno looks at Hendery, who is embarrassed at the table. "Man, why?"

"I know, I know." Hendery answers, and turns his head to Lucas, who sits slowly next to him. "Sorry, bro. I shouldn't have said that." 

"It's okay, man." Lucas puts his arm around Hendery's shoulders, "Renjun killed my feelings but your girlfriend will relive them anyway."

And then, everyone is laughing again. Hendery hits Lucas in the arm and the two end up making each other some kind of key. 

Hyuck wants to throw up again, and he would have done it if his cell phone hadn't rang to announce the receipt of a message.

**Unknown**

hi friend

i'm bored

Hyuck smiles. But not because it's this kid named Mark —Hyuck would have smiled even if it was his absent mother who was talking to him— but because anything that was familiar to him at this point would have made him happy. 

And the word "friend" is kind of familiar, isn't it?

**Donghyuck**

hi stranger

me too

**Unknown**

i am not a stranger!

i'm Mark

**Donghyuck**

yeah Mark the stranger

Hyuck laughs at his own joke. If the silly basketball players had the same humor as him, he wouldn't be in this situation.

Fuck the basketball players. Except Jeno.

**Unknown**

let's change that

let's have lunch together

Any other day, Hyuck would have refused. Not that the idea of having lunch with a potential psychopath appeals to him on a daily basis —well, he's probably not a potential psychopath, the guy literally dresses up in Converse and Mickey Mouse shirts. But today, when Jeno's stupid friends are just being idiots, the idea of getting out of there is completely tempting. 

And even if the kid was a killer, it's not like he could do anything. Hyuck can tell him to come to school and have lunch in the outside yard. 

Nothing could go wrong that way. But Hyuck won't admit it at first.

**Donghyuck**

why would i want to have lunch with you?

**Unknown**

i'm bored, you're bored

let's be two boring people together

Hyuck smiles again.

**Donghyuck**

only if you come to NCTSchool 

otherwise i won't have lunch with you

my lunch hour ends in 40 minutes

**Unknown**

i got it

today. in 10 minutes. your school.

see you ;)

"Who do you talk to so much, huh?" Jeno asks him, resting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder. Hyuck instinctively puts the cell phone in his pocket, and turns to look at Jeno in amazement. He's never been that kind of person, so he probably suspects something. But he has nothing to suspect, Mark is just a... stranger. That Jeno doesn't know about, but that's not bad, or maybe it is. The confusion is evident on Hyuck's face, that Jeno is just laughing. "Just kidding, are you okay?"

Hyuck forces a smile too. "Ahm..." He hesitates. "Yes, but I'm having lunch with some... buddies in the outside yard." Hyuck looks for a shred of suspicion in Jeno's eyes, but all he finds is the same old love. "Does it bother you?"

"Not at all.” Jeno smiles, and strokes the back of Hyuck's neck. "I knew you wouldn't put up with these idiots for so long.” They both chuckle. "The only bad thing is that I'm going to miss you.” He pouts.

"You fool." Hyuck responds, and the only thing he can do to avoid his gaze is to plant a sinful kiss on Jeno's lips. 

* * *

"The truth is that I prefer comedy films. Horror films are meaningless! Why would I watch something that would distress me? The time I spend being scared, I can spend laughing with my friends watching a good comedy movie." 

If Hyuck had known that this guy Mark would take a discussion about which genre of film is better so seriously, they probably would have had this conversation from the start. 

Having lunch with a stranger sounded scary 15 minutes ago. It was weird, strange, unusual. Hyuck wasn't a big fan of the idea and the only reason he agreed was because he couldn't stand another second of a bunch of primates talking about their mothers, sports and dating. 

But now, the idea doesn't sound bad at all. In fact, it sounds nice. 

It turns out that Mark is a normal, nice guy. He's not a psychopath, a killer, or a kidnapper —so far.

Although until a few seconds ago he still seemed so. 

When Hyuck had just met Mark, it was really strange, compared to the comfort they both feel now. As soon as they saw each other, Huck wanted to run immediately. But Mark approached with a sweet smile, and with a bag of cookies in his hands, which coincidentally, were Hyuck's favorites. It didn't take long for the two of them to talk, with Hyuck being the first to speak up and ask how he got there so quickly, to which Mark replied that his college was not far from here. One thing led to another and without realizing it, the two are discussing movies. 

And Hyuck discovered that Mark has no good tastes.

"I insist, horror movies are a thousand times better. You're not going to change my mind." Hyuck argues with complete confidence, but always within the framework of friendship and humor. 

They both continue to sit on the grass, and continue to eat the cookies Mark brought with him. That was enough lunch for two young boys. 

"You won't change mine either." Mark argues even more seriously, which makes both of them laugh. 

Donghyuck would judge himself for enjoying time with a stranger so much. But Mark feels good. It's like he's a little boy trapped in an adult's body, and Hyuck has a special ability to deal with children. 

"Hey, now tell me about yourself.” Mark says after he puts a cookie in his mouth. Hyuck frowns. “Don't look at me like that! I told you about me last time, you owe me.”

Hyuck looks away. He doesn't know if he should answer. Telling him about himself wasn't a big deal, but it would mean he had opened the doors to form a... friendship. And he's not sure if that would be right. 

Jeno's figure haunts him for the first time since he met Mark, and it becomes uncomfortably difficult to respond. But what would be wrong with making a new friend? Nothing, right? 

The guy is nice, and seriously discusses movie genres. Jeno would probably like him, and maybe in the future, everyone could be friends! He could even introduce him to Renjun, Yangyang, Jisung and Chenle. 

Hyuck is struck by the idea, and his face lights up again. 

"I'll tell you about me, but if you use that information to kidnap me, I swear I won't let you off easy.” He says threateningly, almost killing him with his eyes.

Mark laughs out loud and taps the other one's shoulder. Hyuck is increasingly surprised by the boy's overreactions, but he is not bothered at all. In fact, Hyuck likes it. It makes him feel funny and special.

"I will consider that threat to my future actions.” Mark jokes.

Hyuck hopes it is indeed just a joke.

"Well." He clears his throat. "I'm 17 years old and I'm getting out of school this year. My dream is to be an actor." Hyuck pauses for a second as if remembering something. "Like you! I mean, you don't want to be an actor. But you are studying music composition, right? We're both artistic!" Mark smiles softly, and Hyuck finds a different look in him. But that scares him, and he takes the look out of his eyes right away. "Yeah mh... I'm an only child and my parents are always traveling, because of work.” Hyuck puts on a surprised face, and Mark is frightened by him, although he doesn't know why. "I shouldn't have told you that, oh my God! You're going to my house to kill me!"

It is impossible to say if Hyuck is joking or not, in fact, he doesn't even know himself. But Mark immediately assumes it is a joke, and rests his back on the grass, laughing his head off. Hyuck smiles too. 

Really this guy laughs a lot.

"You really scared me!" Mark shouts. "I thought something had happened to you.” Mark puts his hand on his heart, and Hyuck rolls his eyes.

"Dramatic."

"Hey, but you forgot something.” Mark says, sitting up again. Hyuck frowns and bows his head. "Your boyfriend."

"Hmm?" Hyuck asks in shock.

"Yes, your boyfriend. Your superhero who almost hit me." Mark laughs, but Hyuck looks at him in confusion. "What about him?"

Hyuck may have to come to terms with the fact that Mark is now a friend. Friends ask questions, and they know about your life. Maybe that's why Mark asks, maybe because obviously a teenage boy's boyfriend is important in his life. 

Hyuck is an idiot, because the first thing he should have named, should have been Jeno. And Mark is just a nice guy trying to be his friend.

"Yeah." Hyuck clears his throat, trying to look as casual as possible. "His name is Jeno. He's part of the basketball team, which means he's a..."

"Popular kid." Mark interrupts him with a smile. 

"Popular kid." Hyuck nods, letting a small laugh escape his lips. "I've always tried to keep a little more of a low profile... but it's not like it's torture to be surrounded by smelly teenagers all day. I can take it." Mark laughs softly. "We've been friends with Jeno forever. Our families have known each other since we were little, so the fact that we ended up together was no big surprise.”

"I guess you guys are the envy of the school.” Mark says with a raised eyebrow, before he puts a cookie in his mouth.

"A little bit, yes.” Hyuck shyly admits. 

"Woah." Mark whispers in surprise. "You sound like the perfect couple, and he sounds like the perfect guy.”

Hyuck smiles in shame, and only nods.

"And is he?" Mark asks suddenly, as he plants his gaze somewhere far away.

They both speak in soft, private, secret voices. They speak loudly enough to be heard. 

Hyuck loves this kind of conversations. 

But what kind of question is that? He doesn't know whether to react defensively or not. Maybe he should, because who is Mark to doubt how fantastic Jeno is? What does he care, anyway? But on the other hand, Mark is a new friend, it seems. And Mark does not know Jeno. 

It's an innocent question, after all. And Hyuck feels stupid for being so paranoid.

But now the question is, will he answer with the truth?

"No one is." Yes, he will answer with the truth. He doesn't know why he will, it's like someone else is speaking for him. Mark, in a way, gives him confidence and hospitality, just like the first time. "Jeno is the best person I've ever known, but he's not perfect.” Hyuck continues. "Sometimes our relationship feels like a routine. Don't get me wrong, but it's like we don't know anything else about being together. And he doesn’t seem to notice that everything is always the same.”

Hyuck is silent, and turns his head to look at Mark, who listens to him and looks back at him intently. Hyuck feels appreciated for a second, he feels special. 

He feels like the sun.

It's a totally different feeling than when you're popular. Because when you're popular, people see you, but they don't look at you. People talk about you, but they don't care about you. People want to talk to you, but they don't listen to you. And Hyuck thought that was what it was like to be the center, he thought that's how empty it was.

But no, because Hyuck now is the center, too, and this time it's different. It feels different. It's as if Mark gave himself completely to Hyuck's words, and Hyuck was the only one who could speak in Mark's life. And then, Hyuck takes more notice of the other's face.

His eyes shine, as if the sky were starry and reflected in his eyes. But it is not so because the day is sunny, and the sky is clear. And yet Mark's eyes resemble a fresh but warm night, cold but comfortable. And Hyuck wonders if Mark's eyes are always like that, because if the answer is yes, then the boy must get the attention of many people. 

Like Jeno.

Then, Hyuck realizes the situation he is in right now. He is talking about Jeno, with a boy that he finds slightly attractive and whose eyes don't stop shining. It's bad. The situation is bad. He shouldn't keep doing this. 

Donghyuck shakes his head side to side, trying to get all his thoughts out. Sure, as if a simple movement could do it. 

"No, you know what? Forget what I said about Jeno.” Hyuck tries to correct himself. "Jeno is the best thing I have in my life, and I love him. Nothing I said is important."

Mark nods softly, still looking at Hyuck. "I understand.” Mark says in a voice that is as soft as it is understanding, and Hyuck feels safe. A stranger should give security? "But those things are important. If you care about them, they are important, and you should talk to Jeno about them.” Mark pauses to eat another cookie, and Hyuck looks at the bag of cookies, wondering how they've lasted so long. "But I believe you, he sounds like a great person.”

Hyuck nods gently and returns his eyes to Mark's. He gives him a soft smile. He feels understood. 

Mark seems to be a good friend.

"Thank you. For your words, I mean. I guess you're right."

"That's another thing about me." Mark says playfully. "I'm always right."

"Yeah." Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "I take it back.” 

They both laugh, and then stand silently, staring at some distant point. Mark is so nice that Hyuck is almost ashamed to think he was a murderer or a kidnapper. Almost, because a 17-year-old boy has to watch out for bad people even if they wear Converse and Mickey Mouse shirts. 

Hyuck smiles slightly at the memory of the day Mark gave him back his cell phone, and a question pops up with that memory.

"Why is it that we keep talking?" Mark raises his eyebrows with a slight smile as he hears the question. Hyuck shakes his head quickly, and clears his throat. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant..." 

"I know what you mean." Mark nods, then chuckles a little. "I don't know.” He shrugs. "I don't know if I should say this, and I don't know if you would understand it either because I don't know if it has happened to you. But there are times when just looking at a person..." 

_Ring ring ring._

The bell rings to enter class, and Hyuck quickly stands up from the grass. 

"I want to know, but I really have to go now, I have a test.” Hyuck excuses himself, and bites his lower lip as he raises his eyebrows in the middle.

Mark laughs a little at the sight of him. "Go on, I hope you do well.”

Hyuck thanks, and before he turns around and makes his way to his classroom, Mark speaks.

"Before you go, um..." Mark runs his hand across the back of his neck, and grimaces with his mouth. Hyuck thinks it's kind of cute. "Everything you talked about before is important, really. If you need to talk about it, do so. Don't let it go." Mark straightens up by putting his hand out over his neck, and then puts them in his pockets. "Don't try to avoid a problem that's going around in your head, it doesn't do any good.”

Hyuck smiles softly. "You're not bad at giving advice.”

Mark smiles, too, and Hyuck now turns and walks to his classroom. As he walks, he pulls out his cell phone and heads to the contact list, to add a possible kidnapper but good advisor.

_Mark._

* * *

"How was your lunch today?" Jeno asks, as he walks Hyuck home after school.

"Good." He answers dryly. Guilt overcomes him. His chest starts to tighten, his hands start to sweat, and his mouth starts to dry. He has to take this out. "Jeno." He calls out in a soft voice.

"Tell me, baby.” Jeno turns to look at him, and stops to look at Hyuck's sick, constipated face, but as he knows, he's not sick. "Baby, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

He doesn't know how to say it, let alone why it's hard for him. It must be because he has lied to him, because Jeno has always been honest with him, has always supported him in everything. He doesn't deserve a single lie from him. It must be that, because it obviously has nothing to do with Mark. The boy is just a friend. And if he doesn't tell him now about Mark, it might be interpreted later as something bad or suspicious. 

He can't keep hiding it.

"I must tell you something." He swallows, scowls, and dodges Jeno's worried look. He doesn't feel able to look him in the eye.

Jeno puts his arm around Donghyuck's shoulders, and carries him to a bench in the square they are passing by. They both sit down. Jeno looks at him carefully and puts a hand on his cheek.

"What is it, baby? Tell me when you want to." Jeno takes his hand off his cheek and puts it on his leg.

Donghyuck takes a deep breath. His chest still feels tight and the words can't come out of his mouth. But somehow, he finds a way to sort out his thoughts, and makes them speak for him.

"Do you remember that time when we were almost hit by a motorcycle?” Hyuck gathers his strength to look Jeno in the eye, and notices that he has a worried and confused look. Hyuck goes on anyway. "That time the driver of the motorcycle accidentally took my cell phone. That same afternoon he contacted me to give it to me and the next day we met. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Hyuck sees Jeno and realizes that his frown fades away. Jeno forms a small smile on his lips and puts his arm around him.

"That's it, Hyuckie?" he asks.

"No, that's not all." Hyuck shakes his head. Jeno removes his arm from his shoulders and frowns again. "I've been talking to him since that day, and he's really nice.” Hyuck pauses, and doesn't dare look at Jeno again, so he plants his eyes in his lap. "Today... when we were with your friends, I was talking to him, and he came to see me at school. I had lunch with him." A silence abounds between the two, and tension is evident in the air. Hyuck forces himself to look at Jeno, who keeps his gaze low. He feels compelled to say something else. "I don't know why I didn't tell you, I was afraid it would bother you.”

Jeno looks up and raises an eyebrow.

"Bother me? Baby, you... Baby, don't ever be afraid of that." Jeno puts his hand over Hyuck's, which rests on his lap. "I've never been that kind of person, and you know it, Donghyuck.”

Jeno almost never calls him by his full name, and if he does, it's because there's something different between the two of them. Hyuck feels like crying, and Jeno seems to notice.

"I called you Donghyuck because after a lifetime, you're afraid to tell me you have a new friend? The same thing happened when you met Renjun and his slave troop."

Hyuck laughs softly as he remembers when he met his current friends. Renjun was a friend of Yangyang, Chenle and Jisung, and one day he had to do a project with Hyuck, when they became inseparable. Then Hyuck met the other boys and they are all now the best friends of life. But Hyuck was afraid to tell Jeno that he had new friends, and he never knew why. Then Jeno found out he was meeting other boys because a cheerleader told him. Guess what, the cheerleader was in love with Jeno.

“But you shouldn’t feel that way, Hyuckie, because you're just... friends, right? Or is there anything else... you want to tell me?" Jeno interrupts him. He looks for his eyes, and he gets them. Hyuck can see in his eyes a mixture of love, sadness, and betrayal. But he also sees hope, because Jeno trusts him. Jeno trusts what he is going to say. It's the same look he gave him when they were little, when he got tired of playing games with him. His lips tighten up a little bit, as if they were bitten off from the inside.

Jeno... it's always been him.

“No, honey. we're just friends.” Hyucks answers.

A smile is drawn on Jeno's face. It doesn't show his teeth, it's a slight smile. 

“Come on.” He takes him by the hand and looks him straight in the eyes, intensely but full of love. “Thank you for telling me. I have no problem with... anything you do with your personal life. But don't feel you have to be afraid of me. Because I love you, and nothing in this world would change that.” Hyuck feels like he could cry out of love right then and there.

"We’re best friends first of all, right?" Jeno stops and tilts his head toward Hyuck, who only comes down to nodding. Jeno smiles. "And that’s all that matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! it took me longer to write this chapter because I put 3 chapters together into one jdkd what do you think about the first decent conversation between mark and hyuck? they are kinda cute i think... anyway let me know what you think!! Thank you for reading <3  
> ((If you see an error, do not hesitate to tell me, please! ily))


	5. Chapter 5

A week goes by quickly. In the blink of an eye, seven days have passed. 

And many things happen in seven days. 

Since Donghyuck told Jeno about his too-new friendship with the boy on the bike, everything has returned to the normality he felt before the almost accident. He felt his chest free again, untethered by guilt and the sin of lying to an angel. He had a relationship again without lies, and the idea of kissing Jeno without evil feelings lurking in his body came back. 

All is well. 

With Jeno, everything is back to normal. Kisses and hugs everywhere, and no devil-induced bad actions. 

With his friends, everything is perfect. The boys are a little free from their exams, just like Hyuck. So they're back to talking like they used to, and they took advantage from the very first minute of catching up on their lives. Since Renjun is no longer with Lucas, he's had more time to do other things, like participate in the writing club; Yangyang is still the same loveable guy he always was; and Chenle and Jisung are still in their little world of video games and comics and nerd stuff. 

Hyuck keeps wondering why they are even popular and loved by everyone. The grace of being handsome. At least he's the boyfriend of the leader of the basketball team. 

And Mark. With Mark things have been quite... new. Hyuck would never have thought that he would become friends with his almost-killer and the thief who took his cell phone, but he is. Hyuck thinks it's because of the Stockholm Syndrome, the one where you fall in love with your kidnapper. But it doesn't make sense. Mark didn't even kidnap him, he didn't even intentionally do what he did. And Stockholm Syndrome is about love, not friendship. 

Anyway, Hyuck and Mark's friendship is quite refreshing for the former. He, used to his quiet, monotonous life, likes the idea of having a new friend. He brings a new breeze into his life, like when you go to the beach and you get a new air in your face. Something like that.

Mark is really good at conversation. They haven't been able to see each other in person again, but they've been able to talk through facetime and messages. And the guy is a dork. He's one of those guys that makes you laugh every two minutes and doesn't even know he's a dork. In truth, Mark is not at all aware of himself. He is not aware of his movements, nor of the way his brain works. He is not aware that he sometimes makes jokes without wanting to make them, let alone that he is handsome and cute.

He is not aware that he is sweet, nor that his eyes are like two little stars shining. 

He's not aware of anything, and Hyuck likes that. What a boy. He's like from another planet. 

So Hyuck's week went by quickly. Things always happen fast when you enjoy them. And he enjoyed Jeno, his friends and Mark. Everything is going well, as it always has in Hyuck's life. 

He's a kid with no problems. No money problems, no love problems, no friendship problems. Actually, the fact that his parents are not present in his life is not a problem for him. They leave him home alone every month! Every teenager's dream. 

He is really, really happy.

* * *

"I swear I will marry him.” Yangyang says as he looks at the boy he is in love with this week, who is sitting at the basketball players' table.

"And I swear that if you don't shut up..." Chenle says sharply, while giving Yangyang a threatening look. 

"You always say the same thing, Yangyang." Donghyuck, unlike Chenle, gives him a pitying look.

Yangyang sighs and bows his head. "I know."

It is lunchtime, and Donghyuck and his friends are sitting at the usual table, the one in front of Jeno and his friends. Donghyuck and Jeno exchange glances and kisses from time to time, and Hyuck's friends couldn't stop joking. Everything is perfect.

Well, except for Yangyang. 

"No one will ever love me, right?" Yangyang asks, still not raising his head.

"Don't think that." Donghyuck tries to cheer him up, stroking his back with the palm of his hand. "We love you."

"Maybe you can have a chance with Jaemin? I mean, I don't understand why you think it would be impossible." Renjun says, sitting opposite Yangyang. Renjun has always been the most supportive of others, either giving hope or simply being there for them. Donghyuck admires him, and every time he sees him doing something like that, he feels grateful and proud to have such a friend. 

In response to Renjun's words, Yangyang raises his head and with his eyes looks for Jaemin, and the rest of the boys imitate him. But when they plant their eyes on their objective, the boys then don't turn to look at Yangyang.

They look at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck has never been insecure about his relationship. There has always been good communication between him and Jeno, and since they've been together for a long time, trust is something they take for granted. In fact, for that very reason everyone respects their relationship. Of course, Jeno has his admirers, and Donghyuck has received a little more than a couple of declarations of love. But no one has ever tried to make a move on either one of them, because they know that there is no Jeno without Donghyuck, and there is no Donghyuck without Jeno.

So to see the scene they're seeing now, it's something as expected as it is surprising.

Jaemin is another popular guy within Jeno's group of friends. He's not a basketball player, he's not a cheerleader, and he's not active in school. He's just Na Jaemin, and he's insanely cute. In fact, he's just as cute as Jeno, although in a different way. He is also not handsome in the way that Donghyuck or his friends are. Jaemin's beauty is elegant and intriguing. The way he walks, his posture, the way he looks, even the way he says the words, with that characteristic flirtatious tone he has, make him particularly beautiful. And obviously, for people at school, that means everything. 

He and Hyuck have never exchanged anything but greetings and goodbyes. While Jeno... Well, Jeno and Jaemin have shared much more.

They've been close since forever. Never as close as best friends, never in the way that Donghyuck and Jeno are close. But they are. Jaemin would always go to see Jeno's games, and Jeno would go shopping with Jaemin. 

They are friends. Good friends. 

But friendships grow, or rather, change. 

Donghyuck began to notice this a couple of years ago. Jaemin would get closer to Jeno, and use his flirtatious tone with him more often. Jaemin no longer greeted Donghyuck in the friendly way he used to, although he did not lose the elegant and polite touch that he always carries in his words. Jaemin acted differently with Jeno. But Donghyuck never talked about it with anyone. He trusts Jeno. It's his family, after all. And he decided to let those thoughts go, but there are times when they come back.

Like now, when he sees Jaemin stroking Jeno's hair while he keeps his head on the shoulder of the former.

"What the fuck?" Chenle asks with a frown, staring at the scene. 

"I'm over Jaemin, don't worry." Yangyang says grimacing with his mouth, showing discomfort.

"Already?" Jisung asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Nobody messes with my friends." 

"Are you all right, Hyuck?" Renjun asks, looking at him softly. 

Donghyuck clears his throat. "Why wouldn't I be? They're friends, it's okay. All of us literally cuddle before we go to sleep."

"Yeah, but we're friends." Chenle argues. "Five friends."

"They are only two and one of them is the Na Jaemin.” Yangyang complements.

"But he is the Lee Donghyuck." Renjun argues back. "If Donghyuck says it's okay, it's okay.”

"I am with Renjun." Jisung says. "Anyway, did you guys know that they found a footprint of the Bigfoot?"

"Oh, not again!" Chenle and Yangyang shout.

And so the subject changes for the good of Donghyuck, thanks to Renjun and Jisung. Donghyuck remains active in the emerging Bigfoot conversation, but his mind is traveling elsewhere. 

It's good the way he acts, isn't it? Jeno is practically the love of his life. That confidence cannot be broken by a simple action. An action that has been repeated for two years in different forms, but still. It doesn't matter what Jaemin's intentions are, it doesn't matter if he is the Na Jaemin. Because he is the Lee Donghyuck, and his boyfriend is the Lee Jeno. It doesn't matter to the rest of the world, if they have themselves. 

* * *

After a long and tiring day at school, Donghyuck just wants to rest in his bed. But since he is not a normal kid with loving, present parents, he cannot do so. Instead, he has to prepare his dinner and clothes for tomorrow, as well as clean his room and kitchen. 

But he's fine with that. It's just that sometimes loneliness attacks him. The sound of the TV in the living room is the only sound that accompanies him every afternoon. Sometimes it's Jeno's presence, when he has time to go over to his house. Other times it is the high presence of Renjun, Yangyang, Chenle and Jisung. 

But none of them can accompany him every afternoon, so it is inevitable that there are days when loneliness is his only option. 

Donghyuck prepares himself some eggs, as they are quick to prepare and delicious. Enough for a teenager. 

Once they are finished, he sits down to eat on the couch in front of the television. That's another good thing about not having parents around, being able to eat where you want and what you want. 

He starts changing the TV channels. Everything is boring at 8 p.m. There are only things too familiar for Donghyuck's taste, whose only family present is his boyfriend and his friends. At one point, he stops at a channel about cooking with the intention of learning something from there, even though he is aware that he will never learn a shit and that actually eating eggs for life is not a bad idea. But suddenly, his cell phone rings. And he gets up to get it and then sits down again. It's Mark.

**Mark**

can i call you?

i'm bored and talking to you looks like a good option

Donghyuck unconsciously draws a smile on his face, illuminated by the light of the screen. 

"For the second time," Donghyuck thinks. "just in time, Mark.”

**Donghyuck**

i will only accept because i feel pity for you

**Mark**

fair enough

Mark calls immediately, and Donghyuck answers just as quickly. It's just a voice call, but it's enough for Hyuck. Just talking to Mark makes him forget about loneliness, and about the stupid cooking show. 

"Just say you were bored too.” That's the first thing Mark says.

Donghyuck smiles, putting the call on speakerphone and leaving the cell phone in his lap, as his hands hold the plate with eggs. 

"Shut up. I'm not that pathetic." 

Donghyuck hears Mark laugh, "I admit, I'm pathetic. But admit that I take you out of your boredom.”

Donghyuck laughs too, but tries not to let Mark hear him from the other side. "You bring me boredom.”

Mark laughs again and Hyuck thinks again that this boy laughs too much to be a normal boy. But he can't help but smile when he hears him. 

He blames science and his brain. It's true that laughter is contagious.

"Anyway, I was calling to give you two invitations. One is a casual thing and the other is a VIP invitation to a high quality show.”

Donghyuck frowned, although it was a stupid gesture since Mark couldn't see him. "Casual first." 

Mark clears his throat. "Would you like to do something tomorrow?"

Donghyuck smiles. "I'll say yes quickly just because I'm curious about the other invitation.”

Mark laughs again. "Well, you see, I have a singing exam in a week. I have to perform some of the songs I've written in front of an audience. It could be private but you know, we also get tested on our nervousness and stuff like that.” Mark talks as if the lungs don't exist to take in air. Donghyuck laughs, he finds it cute. He notices his nervousness in his voice, maybe because it's something special to him. "Then I was thinking... maybe you could go? Only if you want to, I mean, since we haven't known each other long. It's been a very short time, practically. This could be a lie since I could be a psychopath and you wouldn't know it, but I'm not, I swear!”

Donghyuck laughs even louder, remembering when he thought Mark was a murderer. "You literally wear Mickey Mouse T-shirts.”

"What's wrong with that?" He can feel Mark's confusion in his voice.

"You're a cutie. I mean, how could you be a psychopath wearing those clothes? Your ego's too high, you're just a kid." 

Mark exclaims in surprise. "Me? A cutie? You wear giant hoodies! You're a cutie! You really couldn't be a psychopath."

Donghyuck knows that arguing about this is stupid, but he likes to talk about things like this with Mark. Such silly, but meaningful discussions. Discussions that serve to get to know each other, specially to get to know each other's sense of humor, which, so far, is the same for both of them. 

"I could very well be a murderer and be manipulating you now.”

"You? With that face?" Mark laughs ironically. "You're like a little baby bear. While I do look like a danger.”

And so they argued for two more hours. Of course, they didn't just argue about that. They argued about their favorite bands, and about their favorite class. They even discussed what was better, theater or musical composition. 

But Donghyuck wouldn't call it an argument. Because he in a normal argument doesn't smile as much as he does with Mark, and he in a normal argument doesn't enjoy listening to the opponent's points, but with Mark, for some reason, he enjoys doing it. Maybe because the boy gives such special and unique points, or maybe because Mark follows all of Hyuck's stupid discussions.

They are not arguments, but Donghyuck does not know what they are.

He only knows that these kinds of conversations are his 'something special' with Mark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRYYY, it took me a little longer this chapter! i was lacking inspiration:( i know i said i already had this fic written but if you are a writer, you know that sometimes you change things jdksjd  
> anyway, I don't know if this is what you expected! let me know what you think~  
> regarding Jaemin, I don't know if I should clarify this, but just in case, his character won't be "the bad guy" and won't involve anything toxic... I only say this because I don't know jdhf just because~  
> also!!! would you like to see mark and jeno's pov sometime? i'm curious <(￣︶￣)>  
> well that's all, love you!! tysm for reading<33


	6. Chapter 6

Donghyuck loves to do things that are different. He loves when he gets out of the rut, when things stop being square and turn into curves. He loves surprises, and he loves danger.

But those things are not common in his life, because from his position as a rich and perfect child, there is not much that takes him out of his infinite route of happiness and safety.

For that same reason, the idea of going out with Mark and doing something different with a new person is totally appealing. It's not that he doesn't love his friends or his boyfriend, in fact, those are Donghyuck's favorite people in the world. But changing airs is something he loves to do from time to time, even though this is the first time that "changing airs" meant going out with a new person —it happened when he met Renjun and the others, but it's not the same.

For some reason, it's not.

So Donghyuck walks with the best vibes towards the exit of the school, letting his feet carry him along the ground as if he were able to float. The air feels cleaner to him, and the sun seems brighter than on other days.

Nothing could ruin this day.

But when he plants his eyes on the back of a well-known figure leaning against the school doors, he is no longer so sure of that.

"Are you waiting for me?" Donghyuck asks between confused and afraid, once he arrives at his boyfriend's side. Donghyuck had already told Jeno at lunch not to wait for him today because he's going out with Mark after school, and he took it very well. What if he's already forgotten? What if Jeno doesn't like the idea now? Or maybe he wants to join them? That would be uncomfortable to say the least.

Jeno turns around and smiles as soon as he sees the youngest. "Yes, but to say goodbye."

Donghyuck lets the air out of his lungs that he didn't even know he was holding. "I thought you forgot I was going out with... you know." He says shyly.

Jeno lets out a little laugh. "Mark. Just say his name, we talked about this. Besides, no, I hadn't forgotten it.”

Donghyuck smiles softly as he runs his hand through his own hair. "That's good, or else it would have been weird.”

Jeno takes Donghyuck by the waist, bringing him closer to his body. Hyuck instinctively puts his arms around Jeno's neck.

"Why weird?" Jeno brings his mouth close to Donghyuck's, with a painted smile on his lips. "Nothing is weird between us."

Donghyuck smiles too, relaxing in his boyfriend's arms. "You are right. You're the only one who's weird here."

"Oh, yeah?" Jeno asks defiantly. "And this is weird?"

Jeno joins his lips with Donghyuck's, melting them into a kiss as soft as it is passionate, almost forgetting that they were still in school. Donghyuck lets himself be carried away by his boyfriend's lips, and caresses the back of his head, interlacing his fingers with his hair. Jeno presses his hands harder on Donghyuck's waist, causing the other to make a small, imperceptible moan.

It was inappropriate.

And Jeno's friends, who passed right by them, let them know.

"Get a room!" Lucas screams.

"Jeno don't be selfish, let me kiss your boyfriend like that too!” Hendery screams too.

"Jeno share that piece!"

"Uh, baby! What are you doing with a loser like Jeno!”

"Oh my God." Donghyuck abruptly separates from Jeno as soon as he hears the boys' screams, his face covered with a not-so-subtle red color. Idiots. Donghyuck could throw up right there.

"Don't listen to them." Jeno says, removing his hands from Donghyuck's waist. "They're jealous that I have the hottest guy in school.”

"Shut up, this is so embarrassing.” Donghyuck says, shaking his head from side to side.

Jeno laughs at the state Hyuck is in. "It's not the first time this has happened to us, baby.”

Donghyuck stares into the depths of his eyes. "You're not helping."

Jeno laughs again. "Hey, pretty. I have practice now, I have to go." 

Donghyuck relaxes again, showing a soft smile on his face. He nods and they both get together for a new but short kiss, and then Donghyuck sees his boyfriend join his stupidly giant group of friends, while he waits outside the school door for Mark. 

Donghyuck wonders how Mark will come. Will he come by bus? Car? Will he walk? Maybe he'll walk. He should be here by now, but there's no sign of anyone outside the school. Did he have a problem? Maybe he'll be here later. Where are they even going to go?

As Donghyuck thinks about the possibilities of Mark's existence at some point in space and time, he suddenly hears a sound... that takes his breath away. 

Mark does not come by bus. Nor by car. Nor by walking.

He comes on his fucking bike. 

"It can't be." Donghyuck whispers as he watches Mark park in front of him.

He can't deny it. The image is... wow. Mark is wearing ripped black jeans and an open denim jacket with a white T-shirt sticking out. Once parked, he takes his helmet off his head and runs a hand through his soft, floating black hair. Then plant his dark eyes in Donghyuck, and let a soft smile slide off his face.

And it feels illegal. It should be illegal. A legal thing wouldn't feel so forbidden, wouldn't feel like an adult scene. 

"Ready?" Mark asks with a suggestive smile, pulling Donghyuck out of his probably forbidden thoughts. 

And then he realizes: Mark wants him to get on that stupid bike.

"Yeah, no." Donghyuck shakes his head, and Mark frowns. "I still want to live.”

"Come on, it's just a bike! You'll be fine." 

The audacity. Mark is really not aware of anything he says. 

"Do you remember how we met?" Donghyuck asks ironically.

"Just come! I won't let anything happen to you." Mark shouts at him smiling, expressing the excitement of taking Donghyuck on his bike. 

And maybe that's why Donghyuck is tempted to accept.

What could possibly be wrong? Maybe motorcycles aren't so dangerous, even though they only have two wheels and depend on the balance of a mammal animal called human that has the grace to think and make mistakes. But maybe Mark is a good driver, even though they met in an almost accident... It was probably just a one-time thing. It's not like he has accidents every second, right? 

But before he even decides to get on the bike, Donghyuck realizes that he is already on top of it, right behind Mark. 

He blames it on the scene before. Stupid scene. Maybe what side effects it left in his brain. 

"With your permission." Mark says after turning his torso and looking Hyuck in the face, he still can't get out of his confused state. Mark grabs a helmet from the side of the bike, and since Donghyuck doesn't say anything, Mark takes it as a yes. Mark runs the hair from Donghyuck's face and puts the helmet on him, while his eyes closely visit the corners of his face. Then, his hands are positioned on the helmet straps and he begins to attach and tighten them. Donghyuck feels Mark's hands touching his chin and cheek. And then, he realizes how close the boy is in front of him. He can't move, the confusion hasn't left his head yet. And he feels intimidated by Mark's naturalness in these circumstances. 

The boy dedicates a soft and innocent smile to him, waking up in Donghyuck the idea that in truth this is nothing, and that he is the only one who overthinks this situation. 

Damn motorcycle. 

"I... I don't know where to hold on, I don't know w-what to do." He says hesitantly, staring at the back of Mark's head, who is putting on his helmet.

From the back, Donghyuck hears Mark laughing, who doesn't bother to turn around. "Don't be afraid." Mark runs his hands behind his back and easily finds Donghyuck's. He takes them and positions them on his abdomen, causing Donghyuck's arms to encircle his torso. Donghyuck's body is so close to Mark's back that he is even able to smell his perfume. A good one, though. "Hold on like this and you'll be fine.”

Donghyuck is speechless, because seeing Mark this way, so cool and confident, is totally new to him —indeed everything is new but this is even more so. However, Donghyuck decides not to let go, because after all, it looks like the only safe way to ride a motorcycle.

And then, Mark starts the bike.

Out of survival instinct, Donghyuck can't help but squeeze Mark's body tighter, interlocking his hands tightly on the boy's abdomen. causing Mark to throw a stifled laugh. 

At first, Donghyuck was afraid, and every second he passed, his life decisions were questioned. But as the minutes run, the motorcycle ride feels a little lighter. He still has his arms around Mark —safety above all!—, but their bodies are not as close as at the beginning. He feels the air hitting his face, and he feels more free than ever. From time to time, Donghyuck laughs into the air, letting himself be carried away by emotion, by the breeze, by the wind, by the feeling of freedom. Mark accompanies him with his laugh too, and everything looks like something out of a movie.

Donghyuck feels like the main character.

More than he’s ever felt in his entire life.

* * *

Donghyuck had never set foot in this place before. In fact, he didn't even know of its existence. 

It's a big park. Very wide and extensive, as if it were a field in the middle of the city. It's full of trees, families and pets. It looks like one of those places from a movie, where there is no place for feelings other than love, happiness and harmony. Everything is green, and everything is laughter. Children running around, and pets playing with their toys. Parents taking care of their children, friends sharing a picnic, couples loving each other. 

It's perfect. 

"It's been a long time since I've been here." Mark says, looking at the fullness of the park.

When they arrived at the park, they found a lush tree that provided large, refreshing shade. Luckily, there was no one around, so they decided to sit under it, with their backs to the trunk. 

"I really like this place." 

"Yeah?" Donghyuck just manages to say.

"Yeah, it's... beautiful." Mark says with a nod. "I like to watch the pets run and play while the families just laugh and share with each other." Donghyuck looks at him in surprise. He didn't know Mark was the kind of person who was happy to see the happiness of others. Well, there are many things he doesn't know about Mark, but this one he didn't imagine at all. Mark seems to notice Donghyuck's expression, and clears his throat, embarrassed. "No, I actually like it here because it's nice and refreshing."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. He doesn't know why Mark is embarrassed by that. It's a very nice quality, so pure. He would like to be that kind of person, who is so good that just seeing the world happy makes them feel that way too. But he is not. He's just another human being locked up in a cloud of selfishness, like everyone else. 

Mark is perhaps the opposite of a psychopath, a murderer or thief, as he thought at first. Maybe he is an angel. Well, maybe not as heavenly as an angel —even if his eyes shine like one's. 

Donghyuck doesn't know what Mark is, but he is becoming more and more convinced that he is someone very special. Not for him, but in the world.

Or maybe for him too. 

"Why don't you come here often?" Donghyuck asks. 

The atmosphere makes him want to know more about Mark. Not through discussions as usual, but in a more serious way. Like two normal people getting to know each other. 

"College." Mark answers, and they both throw a little laugh. "I also liked to come with my family and friends. But my family is very busy with work and my friends are just like me, so..." Mark explains.

Donghyuck nods. "I see what you mean.”

Suddenly, there is a silence between the two. Not an uncomfortable silence, though. Nor is it one of those silences that are enough because they say something that words cannot. No. It is only a silence, which simply because it is silence is perfect. Both do not know if it is the wind, the freshness of being under the shade of a tree, or if it is the dogs running around, but something at this moment, something indescribable, silent and foreign, feels subtly perfect. It is not a perfection that you have to shout to the four winds; it is not a perfection that you even have to call perfect.

It is a perfection as subtle as the breeze of the wind, as imperceptible as the ant that walks on Mark’s hand.

Donghyuck wonders if this is perfection after all. Invisible, soft, fragile.

Ephemeral.

Threatening.

Donghyuck knows that his life is perfect, or so everyone thinks. He hardly ever has anything that haunts him every night, or something that makes him sweat as soon as he remembers it. He has perfection in his hands. 

But that's not enough.

The perfection that Donghyuck has is like having a diamonds necklace in his hands, but what is the point of that? 

What's the point of having a diamonds necklace if you don't put it around your neck?

A diamonds necklace has to be worn, no matter the risk. Because wearing something, whatever it is, as bright as a diamond or as dark as coal, means risk. It means the necklace can break, or you can be criticized for wearing it. It means it may not match the clothes you wear, or it may wear out. 

Perfection is risky, by essence. Donghyuck knows that. But now, he feels that his neck is shining, covered with such beautiful, heavenly diamonds. It feels perfect. 

And it terrifies him to the bone. Because then, what is his life, after all? Why is perfection felt in this short silence? Why does he feel this perfection sitting under a tree, next to Mark?

"Tell me about your group of friends.” Mark asks, shaking his hand to remove the ant that was climbing, shaking the silence, shaking Donghyuck's thoughts. But no matter, Donghyuck still feels that he is wearing a diamonds necklace even as he listens to Mark speak. 

Donghyuck remains silent, looking at him confused by both the question and his thoughts. Mark notices, and proceeds to clarify. "One can tell a lot about a person from his group of friends, so tell me, if you want to, of course.”

Donghyuck smiles. This guy really is something else. "Interesting theory." Mark smiles proudly. "I guess I agree. Okay, how do I start?" Donghyuck clears his throat. "Okay. We are a group of five friends. They are very friendly, in fact, a lot for my taste. They're nerds, but everybody loves them. They're the kind of people who smile all the time and everybody likes them.”

"Aren't you like that, too?" Mark asks. Donghyuck turns his head to look at Mark, hoping to find a mocking gesture. But no, Mark is just expectant. 

"I don't know, I'd say no." Donghyuck laughs softly. "I'm more serious, or something like that. But I'm not like them, although that's why we're friends, I guess. We keep the perfect balance between seriousness, freaky stuff, and fun.” Mark nods gently. "Yeah. They're great. We always support each other, at all times. We've been busy lately and haven't been able to spend much time together, but we're still great.” 

Mark laughs. "In conclusion, you're a cute popular freaky guy who knows how to have fun. I like that combination, very unique."

Donghyuck looks at him in surprise, dyeing his cheeks a soft red color. Mark looks relaxed, with that pure expression he always has, and smiles softly looking at a distant spot. 

Donghyuck is increasingly sure that half the time Mark is not aware of what he is saying. 

Hyuck clears his throat, nervously, trying to avoid his thoughts. "What about your group of friends?"

Mark bends his head and looks at his lap, still with a smile on his face. "My friends are all from college. We met at an event." Mark pauses, and raises his head to look again at a distant point. "We're not like... mh... like you." Mark turns to look at Donghyuck, who jokes that he is offended. Then he laughs, and Mark continues. "We're not cute popular kids. But we are a little freaky. When we get together we play video games or just talk.” 

"So you're losers.” Donghyuck jokes. 

"No!" Mark laughs, but Donghyuck gives him a look that indicates he doesn't believe him. "Well, a little bit. But we're great too, even though we're a bit of a closed group. We have our inner jokes and thousands of experiences that we decide to keep to ourselves. In fact," Mark laughs as he remembers. "We were once joined by a guy who was pretty nice, but he couldn't stand a week with us because he didn't understand our jokes.” Donghyuck laughs too. "But anyway, I guess that's about it.”

"I can't believe I'm sitting next to a loser!” Donghyuck exclaims jokingly, distancing himself from Mark.

"Sorry, Mr. Popular." Mark answers ironically.

Donghyuck laughs, but then changes his expression to a more serious one. "Honestly, I feel that popularity shit is all nonsense." Mark looks at him intrigued. "We live in a superficial world, we always aspire to perfection. But I think perfection is in that, you know? In your group of friends that it's hard to include others, or in my group of friends that are the opposite of a popular guy stereotype. I think that's what's perfect."

Donghyuck lets go of all his earlier thoughts, maybe because he's relaxed next to Mark, or because the tree they're leaning on is magical and makes them talk all serious. 

Mark smiles as he listens to Donghyuck, who wonders what goes on in the former's head. "You're right, but you know, I think you're destined to stand out from the crowd.” Donghyuck frowns, wondering what he meant. And Mark replies as if reading his mind.

"Because you shine, Donghyuck. Just like the sun does."

* * *

Donghyuck did not expect many of the things that happened on this day. Like riding a motorcycle, going to a park that looked like it had been taken out of a movie, or the kind of conversations he had with Mark. 

Many things were different, and he couldn't be happier about that. 

"I had a great time today.” Mark says with a gentle smile.

It's 9 o'clock at night. They're outside Donghyuck's big house, lit by the moon and a couple of lampposts. Mark is leaning on his bike and Donghyuck is standing in front of him. The gentle night breeze brushes against their bodies, reminding them that outside their little bubble of warmth and comfort, there is a raging current of cold. 

"Me too." Donghyuck answers, smiling too.

They both stare into each other's eyes, and Donghyuck knows that something must be wrong in this. Something must be wrong with Mark's bright, cozy eyes, something must be wrong with the way they both smile like two children getting to know something new. Something must be wrong with the night, something must be wrong with the wind. 

Because if everything was right, Donghyuck wouldn't feel that this is something forbidden.

The silence in both of them surrounds them, and even seems to bring them closer together. Because before Donghyuck realized it, Mark is no longer leaning on his bike, but in front of him. His innocent and pure smile has disappeared from his face, being replaced by open lips. 

Donghyuck shouldn't look there.

He looks up into Mark's eyes, and he doesn't have that innocent tint either, that they have always had since he met him. They shine in the same way, and Donghyuck thinks that Mark's eyes seem to have more stars than the sky itself. They might even have a competition and Donghyuck is sure that Mark would win. 

But even though they glow, they are now painted a dark black that embraces every crack in Donghyuck's face. And Donghyuck watches as slowly, those eyes are planted on his lips. 

Some of this must be wrong.

Anyone can guess what will happen now. Donghyuck can too, he is no fool. But he forgets that the person in front of him is not just any guy, but Mark.

That unpredictable Mark.

"We have to do it again." Mark says excitedly, smiling again like a child. 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, trying to get oxygen to his head. Then he nods. "That's a good idea.”

Mark walks away to his bike, smiling as if he hadn't done anything a few seconds earlier, as if he hadn't taken the air out of Donghyuck.

Because maybe, for him, he didn't do anything. Maybe Mark really is like that all the time, so pure and unaware of his actions. 

Mark gets on his bike and, just before he leaves, he gives a last smile to the boy he leaves standing in the middle of the night. 

Many things must be wrong in all this, Donghyuck knows it. 

And many things must be wrong with the fact that all this, in some strange way, feels perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! UGGHH I was so excited to share this chapter with you!!! What do you think? And let me know, what is perfection for you? How would you describe it? I hope you like it! I will try to take less time to update:(  
> Andd i was thinking~ If you want to talk about the fic or be friends or idk, you can talk to me on my twitter! @elfrenj_  
> Thank you soo much for reading! love you<3


	7. Chapter 7

Jaemin is very aware of the person he is. He knows he is cute, as his mirror confirms it every morning and the looks he gets from the girls and boys at school. He knows he has a classy, graceful movements, and a posture worthy of royalty. He knows, too, that his smile is beautiful, and that his body is desired by many. 

But just as he is aware of what he is, he is also aware of what he is not.

Jaemin always felt he was capable of anything, but the first time he realized he couldn't be something, was when his feelings for Jeno were growing more than he should and supposed. 

He doesn't remember when it was, nor what it was that made him realize his feelings. But for him, it's not necessary to know those details, after all, it was only a matter of time before something happened. Who wouldn't fall in love with Jeno? It is only necessary to see him. His smile, his eyes, his body, his jaw, his hands... he is an Adonis, a prince incarnated in the body of a teenager. But that's not all. Accompanying his splendid physique, is his personality. How can there be someone so kind? So sweet? So considerate and respectful? 

Jeno is beyond belief. He's like that character in books or movies that everyone falls in love with.

That character that everyone wants in their lives.

That Jaemin wants in his life.

But things are not easy like in fairy tales. Jaemin's ideal fairy tale would be that he would be imprisoned in a tower and Jeno, his prince and warrior, would come to rescue him, giving him a kiss of true love, and then live happily ever after. 

And clearly, in real life neither of them is a prince, and there's the very small detail that Jeno has another prince by his side.

Lee Donghyuck.

Jaemin has known Donghyuck since the same time he met Jeno, but he doesn't know him as well as he knows Jeno. They exchange greetings, the occasional word, and there are times when they find themselves in the same circle of friends at a party. But nothing beyond that, to Jaemin's luck, for if it were the other way around, then the guilt of being in love with his boyfriend would be even more overwhelming to his heart. 

Still, Jaemin knows what Donghyuck is like. He knows because he sees him, because he hears him from time to time, from when people talk about him, or from what Jeno tells.

He knows that Donghyuck is an interesting person, and a wonder of a person. He's quiet, but he's not the kind of person who doesn't talk at all and seems like a weirdo. On the contrary, Donghyuck has that mysterious, subtle glow that even if he doesn't say anything, everyone knows he's in the room. He's also giggly, but it's not like he laughs at everything people do. He is simply a person full of happiness and love and expresses it in his very filling laugh. He is intelligent and he shows it, but not like that kind of person who corrects you every time you are wrong or makes you feel inferior, but he expresses his intelligence through his humor, his sarcasm, his irony, with his elaborate jokes but not so much that you don't understand them. 

Donghyuck is many things. Loveable, kind, quiet, good boyfriend, sweet.... He's perfect, or so it seems.

And Jaemin is aware that even though he is Na Jaemin, he will never be Lee Donghyuck.

And less will he be what Lee Donghyuck is to Lee Jeno. 

At first it was painful. Watching Jeno laugh with someone else, dance with someone else, talk about someone else. Jaemin could only nod, while all he wanted was to shut Jeno up with a kiss and live happily ever after. Sometimes, it irritated him how in love Jeno was with Donghyuck. How could anyone love another person so much? How could anyone not get bored of another person? If Jeno doesn't even get bored of kissing the same person for 6 years? Who the fuck falls in love with their best friend, anyway? Pathetic, Jeno is pathetic.

But Jaemin was too. 

So Jaemin started to notice other people. Everyone wanted to be with him, so Jaemin gave a chance to.... everyone. Making out with other people wasn't so bad, after all. Even with his idiot friends, like Hendery and Lucas. And everything seemed to be going well that way. He didn't feel so lost in Jeno's charms anymore, and the guilt of liking a guy with a boyfriend suddenly vanished. That was good, it meant that Jaemin was over it.

So, Jaemin was no longer afraid to get close to Jeno. He could be closer to him, hang out with him more often, stroke his hair, lie on Jeno's lap. He could do that, couldn't he? They are friends, after all. Besides, everyone knows that Jaemin has nothing serious with anyone, so there's nothing wrong and suspicious about behaving like that with a friend.

And it was like that for two years. 

But it was only a matter of time before Jaemin realized that he was fooling himself. 

The things he does with Jeno are not the things he does with his other friends. And even if he did them, he wouldn't think about them as much as he does with Jeno. 

Jaemin didn't see Jeno as a friend, but he couldn't let him know that. 

So he continued to behave the same way, all in all, they are just tokens of affection that one guy shows to another. People do that even if there are no romantic feelings involved, right? Besides, if he behaved any other way, Jeno would suspect something, and that's what he least wants. 

And so it has been until today, being friends with Jeno, while inside his heart is breaking inside. 

"How's my favorite pink boy?" Jeno asks as soon as they leave the classroom, on their way to the cafeteria for lunch. 

"Hungry, and what about you, my favorite basketball player?" Jaemin smiles through the pain. But no matter, after two years, he's learned to disguise a smile. Or maybe he sucks at hiding his pain smile but Jeno thinks this is what his real smile looks like.

"Me too. I'd eat millions of French fries."

"French fries take away your hunger?" Jaemin asks with a frown, looking at Jeno like he's a weirdo. 

He is, but he's cute.

"French fries heal all the evil in the world." Jeno says confidently, and Jaemin is only reduced to laughing. 

Then Jeno puts his arm around Jaemin as they walk, and Jaemin can't stop his heart from jumping a thousand times a second. And it hurts. 

"What do you say we go eat fries today in the afternoon? It's on me. If you want, then you come to my place later and we'll watch The Lion King."

It hurts a lot.

"I'd accept if it weren't for The Lion King."

"Oh, shut up! Tell me a better movie than that."

"I have a few suggestions."

"Oh, there's Donghyuck!" Jeno exclaims breaking away from Jaemin, who hadn't even noticed that they had already entered the cafeteria. "So I'll see you later, right?" 

Jaemin nods, trying to get the lump out of his throat. "Yeah, see you on the way out."

"It's a deal!" Jeno says with a smile. "I look forward to your suggestions, though nothing beats The Lion King!" 

Jeno walks away in the direction of his boyfriend and friends' table, and Jaemin stands there, watching for the thousandth time, as he is not Lee Donghyuck.

* * *

"I've never heard of such a park in the city in my life." Renjun says shaking his head.

"Right? I don't know where he got it from." Donghyuck replies before taking a bite of his sandwich.

Donghyuck just told them about his adventure yesterday with Mark, where they went to a beautiful park and talked about life. 

The boys have known about Mark for a little more than a couple of days. There's not much to say about that, as the boys' reactions were... nothing. It was something like, "Hey guys, I made a new friend, his name is Mark and he almost killed me and stole my cell phone." And their responses were, "Woah, that's crazy, man!" "Is he cute?" "I wish he would have killed you." And then the topic changed to something about UFOs and how they're going to invade us in the next three years, the same old topic and Jisung's favorite. Of course, Renjun would then ask more about Mark and what kind of guy he is, and Donghyuck would sum him up as a guy who wears Coverse and Mickey Mouse t-shirts. Enough for Renjun to understand, because after Jeno, Renjun is his other soulmate.

"And after going to the park, what did you guys do?" Jisung asks.

"He went to drop me off at my house, and that's it."

Really, that was it. Donghyuck yesterday, at some point, thought something else was there. He doesn't know what, but something else. But after thinking about it in his bed before going to sleep, he realized that there really wasn't anything. Yes, Mark looked attractive. So what? It's not like a 17-year-old boy couldn't look at another boy. Well, Donghyuck has a boyfriend, but he's sure Jeno has also found other people attractive during their relationship. Even Donghyuck finds Renjun attractive, well, the other guys the same. But there's nothing wrong with that, it's just teenage hormone stuff. 

Another point, are the things Mark says. Maybe his intentions are... maybe there aren't even any intentions. Why would there be? Donghyuck always says "cute" to Renjun and Yangyang always says cute and cheesy things to Jisung —even if he does it because Jisung is his baby, but it still counts.

And last point, the last thing that happened in the night... Maybe Mark didn't really look at his lips. Or maybe he did but what about it? Mark knows Donghyuck has a boyfriend, or maybe he also got carried away by the night and the beautiful moon. He didn't kiss him, after all. He just came closer, looked at his lips, and said goodbye. Renjun doesn't do that, none of his other friends do either. But it's nothing.

So Donghyuck decided to forget his recent thoughts and ignore all those details of the past day. Damn brain, damn hormones. Damn biology, in general. Another reason to hate it.

"Mark sounds so cute. Introduce me to him!" Yangyang exclaims.

Donghyuck was about to respond, but Chenle beat him to it. "No, I don't want to see you heartbroken again."

Everyone looks at Chenle, who never says nice things towards others, in surprise. Well, he once said something nice to Jisung on his birthday, but beyond that, nothing. 

Chenle rolls his eyes. "You guys think I'm a monster, but I'm not. I have feelings too, and my feelings say that if I hear Yangyang cry one more time over a boy, I'm going to explode. So either you stop falling in love with everyone, become straight because I assure you there are a thousand girls who want to talk to you, or you go cry somewhere else. Uh, that sounds like the best option!"

Renjun laughs. "Yeah, like listening to Yangyang cry is what bothers you."

"Admit that you hate seeing me sad!"

"No, I just hate your crying."

Donghyuck laughs as he watches Chenle pretend not to care about his friends, but suddenly, he feels hands pinching his waist. Donghyuck jumps in his chair, and turns his head to see his boyfriend. 

Jeno sits next to him, staying between Donghyuck and Jisung. "Hello, beautiful." He says, then gives Donghyuck a kiss on the cheek. "Hello, Renjun and his slaves." He says looking at the others.

"If you call us like that one more time..." Chenle looks at him menacingly.

Renjun smiles triumphantly. "I like it."

"I'm never going to understand why you call us that." Jisung frowns.

"Can you live without Renjun?"

"Uh... no?"

"Slave." Jeno says, causing Donghyuck and Renjun to laugh.

"That's not fair, it's not our fault Renjun is the most mature of us." Yangyang says crossing his arms over his chest.

"Poor you. Oh, Yangie!" Jeno exclaims, as if remembering something. Donghyuck smiles hearing Jeno call Yangyang that, it's a cute nickname. He loves that Jeno gets along so well with his friends, if only Donghyuck could get along with Jeno's friends like that too... "You know Xiaojun? The leader of the music team? He talked to me and asked if you're single. I said yes and he told me not to tell you any of this."

"Why tell him, then." Chenle rolls his eyes.

"Xiaojun? Oh my goodness, the boy with the cute eyebrows! I'm in love with him!" 

"Yeah, since when?" Renjun arches an eyebrow.

"Shut up. I'm marrying him!"

Jeno smiles. "I'm sure you will."

"Don't put any more illusions on him, please." Jisung says.

"Maybe he's the one, Yangyang!" Donghyuck exclaims.

"Yeah!" Jeno backs him up.

Chenle grunts, rolling his eyes. "What a nice couple of idiots. I'm off, bye." Chenle gets up from the table, and is followed by the others, as no one wants to stay with Jeno and Donghyuck being a romantic, gross couple.

They both laugh as they watch the guys leave, and Jeno takes a bite out of Donghyuck's sandwich. "Your friends love me."

"I wouldn't be too sure." Donghyuck says teasingly.

Jeno laughs in a whisper. "Anyway, how did it go yesterday, baby?"

Donghyuck wonders if it's just that Jeno has waited all day to ask him that, or does he just bring it up because he does, naturally. But what does it matter what the reason he brings it up is? Jeno is his boyfriend, he can ask whatever he wants.

"Fine." He answers hesitantly. "It was fun, Mark is very funny. He actually told me some pretty crazy stories that have happened to him." He laughs remembering them, dropping the hesitant tone, and taking on more confidence as he speaks. "And we went to a really nice park! I had no idea there was a place like that around here." Donghyuck takes another bite of his bread, eager. "And in the park there were really cute dogs. Mark played with one but the dog bit him." Donghyuck laughs again, but then his eyes collide with Jeno's, and he notices that even though Jeno gives him all the attention in the world, his gaze looks lost. What look is that? His eyes look soft, sweet, and he has a slight smile on his face, curved into a grimace at the corner of his lips. 

And then Donghyuck realizes he's been talking inappropriately excitedly about Mark. Who talks to his boyfriend about another guy he just met? Donghyuck screwed up. That's why Jeno looks at him like that, and doesn't even interrupt him! He doesn't even get mad, or upset! 

Donghyuck feels guilty, so he wipes the smile off his face and tries to fix the situation. "But yeah... mh..." He clears his throat. "It was a good day."

"I'm glad." Jeno looks away from Donghyuck, resting his gaze on some distant spot in the cafeteria. "He sounds... like a great guy."

Donghyuck nods, and neither of them makes a sound. That is, until Jisung comes to the table to get his juice box that he had forgotten to bring, pulling them both out of that kind of silence that is as familiar as it is awkward. Then they talk about their classes, the drama club, Jeno's team, and Jeno tells Donghyuck that he's going out for fries with Jaemin later.

Donghyuck smiles, it would be unfair to feel displaced or jealous. So he nods, and wishes them luck on their outing, 

It's the best and only thing he can do, after all, who does he think he is to feel bad about it? Knowing that he's fooling himself, by forcing himself to think that the details of the past day, meant nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRYYYYY TT During this week I had a stomach flu and I couldn't upload a chapter or write a new one TT I actually wrote this chapter with an incredible headache but I didn't want to delay any longer :( so sorry guys if this chapter is not what you expected  
> anyway, what do you think about jaemin? uuuh im curious~  
> thank you for reading and waiting T~T im the worst sorry


	8. Chapter 8

For Donghyuck, the future has never been something to worry about. His financial situation has never been a problem, his parents have always let him do whatever he wants, and he is very clear about the goals and objectives he wants to achieve within the next ten years.

His plan is to enter a good arts university that will provide him with opportunities to enter the theater world. Donghyuck is a good actor, everyone tells him so and it is one of the many reasons why he excels in school. It started when he was little, as a hobby so he wouldn't be alone at home. While now it doesn't affect him at all that his parents are not present in his daily life, when he was little it wasn't like that. He cried every day when he woke up and every night when he went to sleep, and his only comfort was the babysitter of the month or Jeno and his family.

Once enrolled in the drama club, it was only a matter of time before Donghyuck became one of the best, and surpassed the kids who had been there for a while. It just so happens that Donghyuck is good at everything he does, and no, it's not hyperbole, he's literally good at everything. He shines, he just does. He stands out from the crowd, and that's essential in the acting world. His teachers told him that someday, he would become the school's representative lead actor. And he is.

Every time there is an event or something, Donghyuck is asked to perform something in front of people. Sometimes, he is not even requested for something related to theater, but simply to speak or deliver an emotional speech for the audience. And it's not hard to wonder why, it's just a matter of listening to him. Every word he says carries a touch of humor, but it's not annoying, on the contrary, it's a kind of humor that makes you feel like you're listening to your lifelong best friend. His smile, his mannerisms, everything about Donghyuck is as if it shines on its own.

So while most of his classmates are collapsing on what to study next year, Donghyuck walks calmly to the college fair his school gives today, a place where universities try to convince you to get into their damn expensive degree to put you in debt for the rest of your life with the grace that one day you'll get a good job to feed your family. Tempting.

But Donghyuck is not the only one who is more than cool with the idea of the future. Jeno, unlike most, is being recruited by top universities, trying to woo him with athletic scholarships or sports-related guarantees. Jeno has the profile of the ideal student at any college, because in addition to being the best basketball player in the school, he is one of the best grades in the generation, and his charisma and friendliness are always a plus.

So Donghyuck finds himself alone walking around and looking at the stands at the fair. His friends prefer science college —Renjun and Jisung pursuing astronomy majors, Chenle pursuing some engineering, and Yangyang pursuing nursing— so none of them join him in his interest in the performing arts.

It's not as if he's the only one in his grade to be interested in art, but Donghyuck doesn't mix with any of them. He likes them, or at least he thinks he does. He could maybe walk around with those people and fake his smile for a while. But no. Strolling alone is better. Seeing how excited and tired and anxious everyone is isn't the best pastime in the world, but at least he's not the only one walking alone looking at the stands. 

Suddenly, though, his loneliness is broken. It's as if the universe is listening to him, or revolving around him, or the kid is just a psycho, because there's no other reasonable explanation for seeing him there, sitting behind a table full of pamphlets and pens, chatting with other Donghyuck classmates.

"You've got to be kidding me." Donghyuck mumbles approaching incredulously towards the figure standing in front of his eyes, once his classmates walk away from the stand, leaving him alone. 

"Surprise!" Mark exclaims with a bigger-than-normal grin. If Mark wasn't... Mark, Donghyuck would be strongly tempted to punch him in the face. Too many smiles and too much happiness for Donghyuck's liking, Mark is lucky that his smile is cute.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Donghyuck asks, his tone more aggressive than he meant to express.

"I was selected to promote my college this year." Mark keeps smiling. "Are you looking for something?"

"And you didn't tell me you were coming?" Donghyuck questions him, still with a curt tone.

Mark wipes the smile off his face, replacing it with an open "o" mouth and wide eyes. "Oh, sorry." He runs his hand down the back of his neck, and twists his mouth to the side. "I thought it would be fun to give you this surprise, you know, but I didn't.... I don't know, I didn't think it might make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry, Donghyuck."

Donghyuck sighs, and wonders if Mark is really as pure and as innocent as he is shown to him. Donghyuck isn't upset to see him, not at all, it's always good to see a familiar face when he's alone. He's just surprised to see him here, but not in a bad way, it's just... surprising. That's all.

"Shut up, Mark. It's always good to see your stupid face." He smiles, hoping Mark understands that there's nothing wrong with seeing him. 

And Mark laughs again, and Donghyuck has never felt so good to see that smile again. "You have a stupid face!" Mark exclaims, and Donghyuck just reduces to laughing while shaking his head. "Anyway, you looking for something?"

Donghyuck puts his hand on his chest, pretending to be offended. "You call yourself my friend, and you ask me that?"

"Acting career?" Mark asks, hesitantly. 

Donghyuck gives him a wink. "Convince me why it would be better to ruin my life by getting into your college instead of the others."

Mark laughs again. Donghyuck maybe likes Mark's laughter. It's not like it's his favorite sound in the world, but he doesn't mind seeing or hearing it. At least it fills the silences, though Donghyuck doesn't mind those either.

"You see, SMU is the best university related to the arts, and has had great recognition in the performing arts. It is characterized by the quality of its students and the varied talents in which they develop, I mean, look at me!" Mark states smiling proudly, while Donghyuck can't help but burst out in a laugh that he swears he tried to hold in.

"You're the example? The other students suck, then."

"Oh, shut up! You'll see my skills next Wednesday."

Next Wednesday. And suddenly, Donghyuck remembers. 

A few days ago, when he was on the phone with Mark, he invited him to watch one of his singing exams. Sure, they argued and joked but at some point in the conversation, Donghyuck agreed. So now he re-records in his mind that he will be busy that Wednesday afternoon, watching Mark's talent. He must be talented, he was sent to represent his university for a reason. But he would never admit it in front of the boy, at least not for now.

"On Wednesday I'll be able to tease you with proper justifications."

"We'll see." Mark smiles defiantly, and Donghyuck smiles too at seeing him that way, so confident of his abilities. He's sure to be in for a big surprise on Wednesday.

Mark looks through the stack of papers on the table in front of him, and from them he pulls out a small piece of paper folded in three parts, very colorful and friendly. "This is the career specific brochure," He extends the paper towards Donghyuck, who takes it and begins to run his eyes over it. "And you'll see that the way to apply is... Oh, shit!" Mark exclaims, and pulls the paper out of Donghyuck's hands, who looks at him confused and frowning.

"Mark, don't swear in front of minors, for God's sake!" Donghyuck says teasingly.

Mark ignores him, opens the triptych and directs his eyes to a specific area of the paper, while biting his lower lip in concentration. "Oh shit, I was right!"

"What?" Donghyuck asks, cocking his head to the side.

Mark takes his gaze off the flyer and plants his eyes back on Donghyuck's. "There's a pre audition for the career on Sunday next week, and you can attend if you want to."

"Pre audition?" Donghyuck asks even more confused.

"Yeah, it's like an audition to get in but not as serious. I mean, it's serious, but if you fail you get waitlisted or you can wait for a regular audition; whereas in regular auditions, if you fail you can't apply again until next year. Pre-auditions are not widely publicized, it's something that few people know about, because of the advantage of taking them."

Donghyuck stands motionless, frozen in front of Mark, probably with his eyes wide as wide as they can go and his jaw tighter than it's ever been.

Donghyuck is the theatrical genius, the wunderkind of the performing arts. But he's never done anything that serious, never done anything that would definitively mark his future. What Mark says... it all sounds too demanding. It all sounds too real to be theater, where nothing is real. 

Donghyuck knows he's good at acting, but what if he's not good enough to pass this pre-audition or whatever? What if he doesn't make it? At least he might get another chance, but what if he fails that one too?

Apparently, Donghyuck's nerves and the early realization of the first big hurdle in his life is reflected on his face in an obvious way, as Mark places his hand on Donghyuck's shoulders as an attempt to calm him down.

"Relax, I can help you with the pre-audition if you want. I know the focuses and what the university evaluates, so you can rehearse within these few days and we could meet up on... Friday? To perfect settings and stuff. What do you say?" Donghyuck meets his eyes with Mark's, and something in that pair of dark stars, something he could never explain, whispers to him the next words Mark will say. "You'll do fine, everything will be fine. You're the great Donghyuck, aren't you? Nothing stops you. You'll shine, you'll see."

And Donghyuck believes it.

For a moment, he loses himself in those eyes so bright and welcoming. It's not the first time Mark's gaze causes that thrill in his chest, but this time it's different. It's as if Mark truly trusts that Donghyuck is capable of being able to do it. But how could he be sure of that? He's never seen him perform, never even seen him say a measly speech. But somehow, through that look so pure and so cute, Donghyuck feels capable, believes in what Mark says. Because Mark doesn't know much about Donghyuck like the others, and yet, he believes in him. 

Donghyuck shouldn't feel like that, someone he hasn't known for a long time shouldn't make him feel more confident. It sounds stupid, as if he needs Mark's approval and that's enough to cheer him up. But what if it is? With Mark, Donghyuck really feels like the center, from the time they got together for lunch, to the phone calls, to the park. Maybe it happens because Mark is new to him, because he assures him with total freshness that he is a fascinating person. But still, even if it was that, Donghyuck feels important next to Mark, or Mark makes him feel that way. Mark is under no obligation to assure Donghyuck of good things, he is not his lifelong best friend, let alone someone who will be with him for the rest of his days. Or maybe he is, who knows. 

What if Mark came into Donghyuck's life to let him know his place in the world?

Donghyuck remembers when a couple of days ago, Mark told him he was the sun. Donghyuck ignored it, thinking it was just another random thing Mark lets slip out of his mouth. But what if he really thinks so? 

What if he really is?

Donghyuck averts his gaze from Mark, and rests it on the brochure. 

"Isn't there another pre-audition?" He asks trying to shake his thoughts, changing the subject. He's not even sure he wants to get into this college, but he can't afford to keep looking at those eyes, he can't afford to think them.

"It's the last one... but come on, you'll do fine! Oh, wait." Mark turns around to open his backpack, and pulls a couple of papers out of it. Then, he passes them to Donghyuck, who receives them just as confused as when he received the brochure. "That's the extract you have to act. In the pre-audition you'll be acting with an assistant." 

Donghyuck runs his eyes over the pair of sheets, and even though the time is short until the pre-audition, his memory is able to learn it. That reassures him a little, maybe things won't be as bad as they appear.

But still his head is not completely free, because despite trusting in his abilities, he trusts in something else. Rather, in a person.

"I'll do fine." Donghyuck thinks. "Mark will be there."

And he hates himself for it.

* * *

"That's excellent news! You will do it, won't you?" Jeno asks excitedly. 

They both walk to Donghyuck's house after school, and Donghyuck has just told him about his encounter with Mark and his offer. Of course, he told him the superficial things, what any person would tell their boyfriend. He can't tell him more, he can't tell him that Mark encourages him. He can't tell him about his eyes, he can't tell him about the things he says to him. 

Sometimes, Donghyuck misses Jeno. He is always by his side, willing to do everything for him. But he misses him, misses the Jeno he knew from when they were little, when they had each other and there were no weird teenage feelings looming in their hearts, let alone there were secrets or things they were afraid to tell.

He misses his best friend. 

"Yeah, but I'm a little... anxious?" Donghyuck confesses, trying to keep the conversation going normally and smoothly.

"Relax, you've done it a thousand times before, one more time is nothing." They both arrive at the door of Donghyuck's house, so Jeno stops in front of his boyfriend, and gives him a small kiss on his forehead, while putting his hands on his waist. "You're the best."

Donghyuck smiles. But there is something different about Jeno's words, or maybe he just feels them different. 

They are words of encouragement, and with good justification. Jeno has seen him perform forever and knows all of Donghyuck's ups and downs. He has seen him progress, grow in what is his hobby, or more than a hobby, but his passion. He has seen him shine on stage and have nerves behind the scenes. He has seen him play happy, sad, in love, hopeful, melancholic, evil characters. 

But there's something that makes Donghyuck not feel completely sure of himself, there's something that tells him that Jeno has no idea what he's talking about, and that he shouldn't take his words seriously.

Something that with Mark was totally different.

Donghyuck sighs, trying to keep his smile lighting up his face. He nods, and hugs Jeno because that's what he should do when his boyfriend gives him words of encouragement. They kiss goodbye, because that's what boyfriends do. 

Donghyuck enters his house, and heads straight to his room. He lies on his bed, his gaze fixed on the ceiling and his hands resting on his chest. Many things are going through his head, and he tries to convince himself that the main reason he's acting odd is because in a few more days, his future could go uphill, or conversely, fall into a valley covered in fire and blood and demonic things from hell. But that's not what he's really worried about, that's not what's making him act like a classic sad teenager. Something feels different, it's not the first time he's felt it since he met him. He tried to ignore it, but today it became real, in cirscumstances so unlikely and random that if it weren't for the fact that it's a dangerous thing to feel this way, he would laugh at how pathetic and silly it seems. 

Donghyuck can't hide it anymore. Who knew he would understand it now? On the day when he felt like the least worried person in the universe, he would assume in his head that something is not right just like always? That he would assume it after both boys gave him encouragement for a stupid college pre-audition? Is he that narcissistic?

Donghyuck shakes his head. He can't focus on this now, not when everything is going so well, not when he has an important event next week. 

He opens his backpack, looking for the papers Mark gave him so he could rehearse. He pulls them out, and begins to read them with his arms outstretched toward the ceiling, his head lying back on his pillow, and his back touching the soft fabric covering his bed. 

And he realizes that the scene he has to play, is a love scene.

Donghyuck violently lets the air out of his chest, and hugs the papers tightly against his chest, as his eyes stall at the corners of the ceiling, dyeing a watery red, exploding into a couple of drops falling from his eyes. 

He can't keep pretending that it doesn't exist. 

He can no longer pretend that there is something he no longer finds in Jeno, that he now finds in Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I'm good now! Thank you SO MUCH for your words<3  
> Ohh our little Donghyuck realized that there is something different with Mark~ I love them i want them to kiss already!!LMAO  
> Next chapther will be special~ You'll see!!  
> Thank you so much<3 love you!!


	9. Chapter 9

Mark is scared. Or nervous, or anxious. Or maybe it's just the usual nerves, or maybe it's just a heart attack. No, if it was that, he'd be dead by now. It must be the usual nerves, what else? But it feels different. The nerves don't just feel in his chest or in his heart, they also feel in his stomach. Actually, in his whole body. Damn nerves. 

Mark walks toward his college theater, gritting his teeth against his lower lip, grinding the skin and making new wounds in them. He just walks, unable to care about his surroundings, unable to even worry about his presentation. Well, that he does care about, though not in the way he should. He should be worried about impressing his professor, right? Doing his best for the grade. But no, there he is, worried about doing his best not to be a success as a student, but to impress someone in the audience.

Because he will come, won't he? He was so nervous that Donghyuck would cancel on him out of the blue, he didn't even speak to him to confirm that he was coming. Maybe he forgot, or maybe he has better things to do than watch him on a stage while expounding one of his stupid, empty, meaningless lyrics. Well, actually his lyrics are not empty or meaningless at all. But his head can't do anything but self-sabotage and think about why he invited Donghyuck. 

He tries to remember the moment he invited him, while they were talking on a call. He had planned to do it, just as something friendly, as something they could laugh about later. Mark just wanted to let him know that he considers him a friend, and he wanted to let him see the side of him that doesn't ride a motorcycle, but the part of him that expresses his feelings through songs. 

But that was a day before the afternoon in the park. 

Of course, it's not like he doesn't know that Donghyuck is beautiful. He might think so, yes, but he would never say so, not as long as he has a boyfriend. It's also not like he doesn't know that Donghyuck's laugh is dazzling, in fact, that was the reason he met him —but that's another story. But something about that afternoon was different. Something about that afternoon let him know that Donghyuck is something more than just any guy out there.

It was desperate, almost agonizing, to see Donghyuck laugh and to hear him talk. Why? He doesn't know. But he felt the urge to know him, to hear more of his words, to make him laugh more. Is it okay for him to feel this way? He doesn't know either. But as long as it's between him and his head, he' d rather not pay any more attention to it. Though of course, Mark always spoils everything, and he had to tell him that he shone like the sun. _Poetic_ , Mark thought, _next time save it for your stupid songs and don't tell him to his face_. But who could blame him? Even he can't blame himself when Donghyuck simply glows, both in personality and physically, turning his skin into a glowing honey field when he's against the sun. And oh, Mark how he wishes he were a bee. But he can't, no, he shouldn't think such things. 

Mark enters the theater, still pressing his lips against his teeth. His nerves are growing, even he didn't know it was possible to feel more nervous than that. He searches with his eyes through the crowd of people going to see other guys perform, and finds his friends chatting in a circle next to the red seats pointing towards the stage. Mark directs his steps toward them, still looking for the figure of the short guy with golden skin. Nothing. 

And the nerves grow even more.

"Our baby!" Taeyong shouts, causing everyone to turn to look at him with smiles that, as soon as they see his face, fade.

"You look terrible." Jaehyun announces, as if it's news that Mark isn't aware of. 

"Shut up!" Taeyong scolds him.

"Dude, are you okay?" Johnny asks. 

Mark keeps searching through the crowd with his nervous eyes, and there's no sign of Donghyuck. 

Jungwoo brings his hands close to Mark's face, and with his fingers touches his eyebrows. Mark reflexively pulls away quickly. 

"Hey, calm down! I was just erasing your frown." Jungwoo says.

Funny, he didn't even know he had a frown. What's wrong with him? Seriously such a fuss over Donghyuck? 

Trying not to think so much more, Mark finally manages to tell them something. "I'm... Ah, I'm just a little nervous." 

"You always do great, Mark." Doyoung tries to comfort him. "Just be you."

Mark nods trying to plaster a smile on his face, which obviously, comes out completely disgusted and obviously faked.

Mark loses his eyes in the crowd again, as he feels his friends talking something about someone or maybe it's about him, he doesn't know, he doesn't pay attention to them now. It's just unintelligible mumbling mingling with the other people's mumbling. Noise, people, lights, the professor. Seats, stage, classmates. More lights, red color, black floor. More people, more mumbling, more everything. 

Minus Donghyuck. 

"Five minutes!" The professor yells, snapping Mark out of his dizziness for a measly moment. 

What happens if he doesn't come? What if he is angry? What if he forgot? It wouldn't be stupid, in fact, it's the most coherent answer for now. Donghyuck has been acting a bit distant with him. Or that's the impression he gives Mark, at least. It's not like he's known Donghyuck all his life, but he senses it, it's just something the human innately brings that makes him tell that someone is acting weird around him. Or maybe that's what they call insecurity. 

Mark sighs, and shakes his head. His friends around him are still talking, maybe they decided to leave him alone to calm down on his own. Mark gives up. Why would Donghyuck come, anyway? 

"Sorry, but the first rule of making a triumphant entrance, is to be late."

Mark immediately turns in the direction of the voice speaking next to him, and then, for the first time that day, the nerves seem to go away. "You came." Mark murmurs in between a soft, relieved smile. 

Donghyuck nods, giving him another smile, but this one is shy. 

They both stare at each other, peeking at the joy of seeing the other through their eyes, their lips, their bodies. Mark could hug him, but it would be weird. So he just looks at him, and even he couldn't explain why Donghyuck's arrival makes him feel this way. Maybe it's relief, because he knows Donghyuck isn't angry or something, and that he didn't forget. Or maybe it's just the happiness of seeing a friend, even though he doesn't feel that way seeing the boys. Whatever, it doesn't matter what the feeling means. Donghyuck is there, and that's enough. 

But suddenly, Johnny's throat clearing snaps them out of that mini trance, and Mark realizes that his friends are still by his side. 

"Oh! Sorry!" Mark exclaims. "Donghyuck, these are my friends. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun and Jungwoo." He introduces them as he points at them with his hand. "And guys, this is Donghyuck."

“Donghyuck? The cell phone guy?" Jungwoo asks. Mark laughs in embarrassment, and before he answers, Donghyuck beats him to it.

"Donghyuck himself." He replies with a splendid, friendly smile.

"Dude, are you still talking to that guy?" Jaehyun asks as if it's the most pertinent thing to do right now, and everyone turns to look at him with judgment flaming in their eyes.

Mark, on the other hand, turns in alarm to look at Donghyuck. He looks surprised at first, but then lets out a chuckle. "I guess Mark hasn't told you how obsessed he is with me."

Mark's eyes widen like saucers, tinting his cheeks a subtle red, as the other boys burst out laughing. "I'm not..."

"You want us to help you get this parasite off of you?" Johnny interrupts him and continues the joke, pointing at Mark, who couldn't be more embarrassed.

"What a good idea!" Donghyuck exclaims with a chuckle. "I guess I can put up with him for a while longer, but I'll surely cash in on your favor someday."

Johnny winks at him. "Just give us a call." 

"Nice to meet you, Donghyuck." Taeyong smiles at him, and Mark mimics him. Taeyong has always been the sweetest among all. "You're so pretty!"

Donghyuck smiles shyly. "Oh, Taeyong, right?" Taeyong nods. "Thank you so much, and oh, you're so pretty, too! My pleasure."

"1 minute, get ready!" The professor yells, immediately causing chaos in the theater, with boys and girls running backstage.

"Well, good luck, Mark." Doyoung says before going to sit down, to which the others mimic him, minus Donghyuck.

"They're nice guys, you can sit with them." Mark suggests. 

Donghyuck smiles, "Yeah, I saw." 

Mark walks towards the stage, leaving Donghyuck behind him.

"Hey!" he hears Donghyuck shout. Mark turns, and sees on him the most genuine, heavenly smile he's ever seen in his entire life. He steps towards him, feeling weak, but at the same time capable of anything. Donghyuck looks him straight in the eye, and Mark knows he can never, ever escape his glow. "Just... good luck, Mark. And just... ah, nothing, just know that I'm here to cheer for you." 

And that's all Mark needs to walk backstage, and know that however he does today, all will be well.

Because the sun himself is cheering for him.

Mark positions himself backstage, anxiously waiting for his name to be called. He wants to get up there quickly so he can perform his song, and then see the audience's reactions. He knows his song is good, his professor approved it a couple of weeks ago. She congratulated him, but now it was time to present it. And he is nervous, as every person is before doing something important. 

He really wants to impress.

Minutes go by, he doesn't know how many really, but he knows it's been a while. He's so busy trying to concentrate and do his best, he barely reacts when suddenly the professor calls his name. 

"Mark Lee!"

He directs his steps automatically, almost like a robot, up the stage. He positions himself in front of the microphone, and the lights shine on him. He watches the audience carefully, then plants his eyes on those he so longed to be seen by. Donghyuck returns his gaze, and even dares to give him a smile. 

And Mark knows that he is on stage and that everyone is looking at him, but even so, he recognizes that under his eyes, he is not the center of it all, but Donghyuck, and even though the lights shine on him, Donghyuck still shines brighter. 

* * *

Everyone finishes presenting, and at last, Mark is able to emerge from backstage to meet his friends. He walks in a hurry, trying to dodge all the bodies that get in his way. He searches the theater, but can't find them in any corner, so he decides to get out of it, at which point he sees them. 

"Woah, Mark!" Jungwoo shouts upon seeing him, and everyone turns to hug and congratulate him.

"Dude, you nailed it!" Jaehyun exclaims.

"That fucking lyric, Mark..." Johnny says.

"Poetry!" Doyoung shouts. 

"My baby..." Taeyong says before hugging Mark with obvious love in his eyes. "I'm so proud of you." 

Mark smiles softly and tightens his embrace with Taeyong. "Thank you."

But there was still one person missing. 

Mark turns away from Taeyong and looks for Donghyuck with his eyes. And there he finds him, standing a few steps away from them, as if to give them privacy or space. Mark approaches, while the rest of the guys stand a little apart to chat.

"Do I sing very badly?" Mark asks wryly, trying to sound casual, but something he anticipated from the beginning of the day, was Donghyuck's reaction.

Donghyuck laughs. "Well, I'd like to say yes." Mark laughs too. "But no, that was really good. It was... magnificent, Mark, really. The lyrics... Mark, did you really write that yourself?"

Mark could die right there. No, in fact, he's grateful to be alive to hear those words come out of Donghyuck's mouth. But his heart is beating fast, faster than it was before he got on stage. And he's fucked up, because as much as he wants to avoid it, he can't.

Mark nods sheepishly. "Yeah, it's just something I wrote one night." 

"It was amazing! Mark, oh my god, you're a great writer!" Donghyuck exclaims, too excited to Mark's surprise. Donghyuck seems embarrassed, and lowers the tone of his voice. "I just, I don't know, I loved it. Thanks for inviting me, your friends are really nice. I had a great time."

Mark smiles. "Thanks to you for coming. And for your comments, too. It's better to hear them when they come from you."

Donghyuck's eyes widen like two eggs, and he averts his gaze from Mark. Oh, shit. How did he let those words slip out of his mouth? What the fuck, Mark? It's not the first time it's happened to him, but that doesn't mean it's okay. Now Donghyuck must think he's a freak, or that he's a flirt. No, Mark is not like that. 

Why is it that when he's with Donghyuck, Mark loses all his senses?

But his friends, as always, are there to save him.

"Hey, guys, are you coming?" Doyoung shouts in their direction. Mark turns to see them, as does Donghyuck. 

"Free pizza, but only for Donghyuck!" Johnny yells too.

Mark laughs. "Not for me?" 

"Bro, you'll pay for everyone." Jaehyun replies.

Taeyong punches him in the arm. "Shut up!" he yells at him, then turns to Mark. "For you too, Markie!"

Mark turns back to Donghyuck. "Do you want to come with us?" he asks. 

Donghyuck seems hesitant, but before Mark can be disappointed, Donghyuck replies. "I don't know, I'd like to but I don't want to go back to my house alone at night."

"I see, but I remind you that my company is pleasant and at night it intensifies." Mark says jokingly, trying to sound casual and not to appear that, really, he wants Donghyuck to go.

Donghyuck laughs, and pauses to think a bit, ducking his head. "Yeah." He says as he lifts it up. "But only because there will be free pizza."

And for Mark, that's enough. 

"It was Mark's first test and we were all nervous, but he was always confident. I think he was dying inside." They all laugh. "Isn't that right, Mark?"

"I don't understand the point of telling this story." Mark replies, pretending to be disinterested, but the truth is he's dying of embarrassment. 

Johnny is telling stories about Mark and his friends, and while at first Mark thought it would make Donghyuck uncomfortable, apparently, it's quite the opposite. He glances sideways at Donghyuck, who is sitting next to him enjoying a small piece of pizza in his hand. He smiles and laughs as Johnny tells the story, and every time Mark sees that image, his heart wants to burst out of his chest again. 

"Well," Johnny continues. "the thing is, when it was his turn, we all expected it to be magnificent, but it was a flop." They all laugh, except Mark, who keeps his head down. "He broke his voice a minimum of ten times, and he was still singing like he was at his own concert." 

Mark picks up a napkin from the table and balls it up, then throws it at Johnny. The pizzeria is empty, so all their laughter and shouting breaks the silence of the place.

"In my defense, it was my first time on stage!" Mark defends himself.

"So you were a loser!" Donghyuck exclaims, playfully.

Mark frowns, trying to hide the smile forming on his face. "Tell me you didn't feel the same way when you first stepped on stage."

"Stage?" Doyoung asks. 

Donghyuck smiles shyly. "Yeah,.. I act."

The boys smile excitedly, and let a thousand questions come out of their mouths. Mark laughs, Donghyuck laughs. And then, he proceeds to answer all the questions about acting, theater and the artistic life. 

Mark keeps thinking how amazing and comfortable the situation feels. He feels grateful for his friends, because they are wonderful people who at no time made Donghyuck feel left out. They joke and laugh with him, of course, at Mark's expense, but he doesn't mind in the least. 

And the more time passes, the more he realizes that Donghyuck fits into more places and parts of his life, the more he feels lost. Because Mark is a writer and composer, he knows perfectly well what feelings are. He knows about sadness, about love, about hope, about illusion. He knows what's going on right now, he knows what's going on from the first moment Donghyuck appeared between his eyes. 

But what's the point of knowing? He can't do anything about it.

* * *

Donghyuck knows this day should feel like a mistake. He knows it should have been a boring day, or a waste of time. He knows, even, that he shouldn't have even come. But the truth is, there is no feeling anything like that right now. The only thing Donghyuck can feel right now, is that life is... good. As if all the decisions, the good and the bad, served to bring him to this precise moment, where Mark walks him home, with the gentle breeze of the night wind hitting their faces, and with the chill of the darkness enveloping their bodies.

He knows that he will have to think a lot as soon as he walks through the door of his house, he knows that many decisions will have to be made and many difficult feelings will have to be faced. But for now, it doesn't matter.

It's just Mark, Donghyuck, and the night.

"They really liked you." Mark says, once they stand at the door of Donghyuck's house. "They never explain inside jokes, and today they explained some that even I hadn't been told, so yeah, I guess they loved you.".

Donghyuck laughs softly, and ducks his head in embarrassment. "I liked them too." He replies, then lifts his gaze to Mark. "I liked them better than you, actually." He jokes, trying to lighten the mood, trying to get the embarrassment out.

Trying to make sure nothing dangerous can happen.

"That's not true!" Mark exclaims.

"They're all a thousand times funnier than you." Donghyuck continues the joke.

"You're admitting I'm funny?" Mark asks defiantly. 

"My bad." Donghyuck says bowing.

"Shut up!" Mark yells and puts his hands on Hyuck's waist, jabbing his fingers into his skin, intending to tickle him. Donghyuck squirms with laughter, trying to keep still so Mark won't know he's ticklish. But it's impossible, and as Donghyuck tries to pull Mark's hands off his body, the other's hands are even stronger and faster, running from his waist to under his arms. 

"Admit it!" Mark shouts in agitation, as Donghyuck continues to writhe in his arms. "Say I'm funny!" 

"No!" Donghyuck exclaims in barely a whisper. "Never!"

Mark laughs with Donghyuck, then stops. Donghyuck was so busy trying to protect his ticklish body, that he doesn't even realize that he was attached to Mark's body, and that he was being wrapped around Mark's arms. 

Donghyuck knows he should pull away, but his first reflex is to lift his head, and look into Mark's bright eyes. With his eyes he runs his face, and notices that his nose is red, perhaps from the cold, and with it, his cheeks are also tinged an almost imperceptible pink, probably from the heat produced by the tickling. 

Mark breathes heavily, and does nothing but look back into Donghyuck's eyes, with an expression he finds himself unable to decipher. His eyebrows are slightly arched, and his eyes look lost, even if they are set in a fixed point. Mark's mouth is slightly open, as if he wants to say something, but cannot. 

Mark does not remove his arms from Donghyuck's body, with one hand on his waist and the other on his arm. Donghyuck finds himself unable to move, but not because Mark is holding him tightly. It is a greater force, like the natural force of a magnet that cannot be avoided. 

What if that is, really? A natural force, a force that must be that way because the universe commands it, and if it is not met then gravity and the center of the Earth would collapse. A force so intense that it is almost tangible, a force that is so subtle that it is unthinkable. A sonorous force that anyone can hear it, a force so silent that it is secret. It doesn't have to be romantic, it can be simply platonic. But it is still a force that is there, that is simply felt.

And who is Donghyuck to stop that force from being fulfilled?

Well, he is Jeno's boyfriend. 

Donghyuck quickly turns away, and though he can't check, he knows his face is tinged with a red tint, for he feels it in the warmth of his cheeks. Mark seems to come back to life, because he breathes as if he has just come out of the water, desperate for oxygen to fill his lungs. 

They both look at each other face to face, because they are both aware that there is something. 

But Mark can't seem to hold on any longer, and closes his eyes, leaving a waiting Donghyuck in front of him. Mark bites his lips, as if he has to gather his strength to make a move or say a word. Then he opens his eyes, and smiles in such a wholesome, innocent, casual way, that it even manages to irritate Donghyuck. 

"See you Friday." Mark says before setting off on his way to wherever his house is left, leaving a frozen Donghyuck in front of his door. He finds himself unable to say a word, unable to even move. He doesn't want to open the door and enter his house alone, he doesn't want to face the reality that loneliness hands him. He does not want to think, he does not want to leave this night. 

He watches Mark's figure walk away, and gets irritated by every step he takes further away from him. 

There's no way Mark doesn't know what he's doing. There's no way he doesn't feel that there's _something_ between the two of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay!!! I was writing the chapter and it got deleted, so I took a while to start it over again.  
> As an apology, I bring you two chapters!!! And the next one will be uploaded within the week. Again, sorry! >.<  
> Now, here was Mark's pov!!! There's still a lot to know about the character~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: cheating

Donghyuck has never had any problems to think about, other than what to cook or what to do in the evening. Maybe sometimes, a play would give him a problem or two, like a difficult character or irritating co-workers. Nothing was serious enough to keep him up all night, though.

However, it would seem that this week all the problems the universe has in store for his entire life piled up for him. 

Donghyuck is in his room, staring at the white ceiling stretched above his head, letting his back rest on his squishy, soft bed. There is no more time, no more way to dodge what is happening. But he's not ready, probably never will be. How is one ready for that? How are you ready to assume that the feelings you had for someone are no longer the same? 

Donghyuck closes his eyes, letting a tear fall and run down his cheek. It hurts, it hurts like hell. This is suffering, then? Donghyuck hates the feeling. He hates having to face things, hates having to have gone out that February 14th, hates having to have crashed into that damn bike and met Mark. He hates himself. 

It sounds pathetic, ridiculous. It's like a bad joke echoing in his brain. Jeno. Not loving Jeno. It's the first time the thought has crossed his mind, or maybe it's just the first time he's assumed it. But it hurts, it hurts so much. Not loving Jeno. It's like a lie that becomes concrete, a lie that suddenly becomes reality. Not loving Jeno. It is impossible. He loves Jeno, his only lifelong companion. Jeno. Jeno, his best friend. Jeno, the boy who healed his knee injuries when they played as kids. Jeno, the boy who dedicated his points to him in a basketball game. Jeno, the boy who helped him divide. Jeno, the boy who went to his first play. Jeno, the boy who kisses him, who understands him. Jeno, his soul mate. 

But then, why does the feeling feel so far away? So foreign, so unknown. It's as if it's an idea Donghyuck has ingrained in his head, an idea that repeats and repeats until he learns it by heart. 

That's Jeno, then? A memorized idea, a recycled feeling. 

It's not possible. There's no way, just no way. 

Donghyuck gets up from his bed, and goes to wash his face in the bathroom. He looks in the mirror, his lost face reflected in it. He is lost. That's what happens. He just needs to remember that he loves Jeno, just needs to kiss him passionately, just needs one night with him. 

And it will be enough to remember where he belongs.

He washes his face again, this time with better results. He towels off, and goes down to his living room to wait for Mark, for he's coming to help him with another problem looming in Donghyuck's life: the damned pre-audition. 

Donghyuck has been devoutly rehearsing every day since Mark told him about it, and today would be the day Mark would help him. It wasn't a very social week for Donghyuck, as between rehearsing and thinking about what the heck is going on in his life and with Jeno, he didn't have much time to talk to his friends and Mark. With Jeno, well, it was all the same, Donghyuck always has a space for him. Maybe that's the problem, that it's all the same.

Donghyuck shakes his head, as if that will take his thoughts away. Enough about Jeno, he already has a solution for that. He just needs to revive the love.

After a few minutes, Donghyuck's cell phone rings.

**Mark**

i'm at your door

Donghyuck stands up after taking a big sigh, and questions whether it's a good idea to do this with Mark. After what happened a couple of nights ago, after Donghyuck's thoughts... his head tells him it's a bad idea.

But his heart just screams "open that damn door!"

Donghyuck walks to the door, and pauses a bit before opening it. When he does, he sees a smiling Mark dressed in a black jacket and jeans, and in his hands he brings bags that apparently come filled with food and drinks. 

"Food is the first requirement." Mark says.

Donghyuck can't help but laugh and, even though he shouldn't, he lets a look full of sweetness come out of his eyes that, if he could see himself in the mirror at this very moment, he would be embarrassing himself. Donghyuck steps aside and waves his hand, inviting him in. As soon as he enters, Mark looks at Donghyuck's big house with an amazed face, which makes the other laugh.

"Wow." Mark whispers in wonder. "Isn't this house too big for someone as small as you?"

"I'll kill you, but first you have to help me. Let's go to my room." Donghyuck says as he walks up the stairs. Mark mimics him. 

They both enter Donghyuck's room, and sit on his bed. Mark admires Donghyuck's purple walls, adorned with pictures of his friends, drawings and theater posters and things Mark doesn't understand. 

"They're your friends?" Mark asks pointing to a photo showing the five boys outside Donghyuck's house.

"That's right." He replies smiling, as he looks at the photo.

"They look great." Mark comments.

Donghyuck takes the food out of the bags and puts the snacks on the bed. "They are." He states. "But I'm the coolest of the bunch." It's inevitable for Donghyuck not to make jokes, especially when he feels he has to lighten up. Mark laughs, looking relaxed. Perhaps Donghyuck is the only one who feels strange. 

"How did you do on Wednesday's exam?" Donghyuck asks, as Mark opens a bag of potato chips.

"Fine!" Mark exclaims. "I got the highest grade. According to me, it's the best presentation I've given so far." Mark says with a proud smile.

Donghyuck smiles, "You deserve it. From being a failure you went to being the best. Good progress!" he jokes, and Mark tries to act angry, but then bursts out laughing.

Donghyuck likes Mark's laughter. It's loud, but friendly. Donghyuck likes that combination. 

"Johnny should never have told you that story." Mark says.

"No, it was very good! I look forward to hearing more stories from you." Donghyuck says casually, but as soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows that maybe it wasn't the right thing to say. He looks at Mark urgently, so he can excuse himself through a bad joke. But Mark is just looking at him with a smile. With that sweet smile that, just by seeing it, Donghyuck feels safe. And he wonders, how even within the four walls of his room, Mark's eyes shine. How. What the fuck is Mark.

They both keep their gazes fixed on each other, and anyone watching them from the outside, would think it's a competition of who looks sweeter at the other.

Donghyuck realizes that this is not right, even though he feels as if it is. He averts his gaze quickly, and picks up the papers lying on his desk. 

"Shall we get started?" Donghyuck asks, trying to dodge any feelings and thoughts that dare to pop up. Mark nods taking another chip from the bag, and gets up as Donghyuck does, to position himself beside the bed, facing each other. 

Donghyuck holds out the paper to Mark, who promptly receives it, to read the other character's dialogue. 

"I thought as we go through the acting I could give you tips, if you like." Mark suggests, to which Donghyuck nods, still a little confused, still a little scared, because his feelings are screaming and echoing in his head, mingling with Jeno's fuzzy name and Mark's crisp name, 

Donghyuck clears his throat. "Ready?"

Mark nods, turning serious, his eyes fixed on the paper in his hands.

Donghyuck knows the dialogue by heart, so there's no need for him to be reading a piece of paper. He takes a deep breath as he closes his eyes, and gasps as he opens them. 

And he begins. 

"I can't do it, Philip. I can't run away with you." Donghyuck says with a pained expression. His character is a wealthy person, in love with a boy of another social rank. Donghyuck finds it somewhat cliché, but he can't do anything about it.

"Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want to take a chance on us?" Mark reads, with obvious feeling in his voice. Donghyuck wonders if Mark has had other experiences with theater, because he does decently well. Maybe it's natural talent, wouldn't surprise him. 

Mark raises his head to look at Donghyuck, who again begins his dialogue. 

"That's the problem!" He exclaims. "I want to, but I'm not like you. You have nothing to lose."Donghyuck speaks in a crying voice, and he is sure that if he were more in character, he might actually cry. 

Mark stares at him with a frown, and Donghyuck cocks his head in confusion. "Mark?" he asks.

Mark shakes his head side to side, as if denying something. "There's something... Mh, you have to be true to your character." Donghyuck raises his eyebrows in surprise, and maybe a little offended. He's always been open to criticism, but if there's one thing Donghyuck does well, it's get into character. Mark seems to notice, and is quick to clarify what he said."No, I mean... You do great, really, but remember that your character is wealthy and proud."

Donghyuck quirks an eyebrow."Yeah, I do know."

"I know you know, but..." Mark sighs. "I know your character is suffering now and stuff, but he's still a proud and selfish character."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, a little irritated. But he shouldn't be, Mark just wants to help him. Only, well, maybe he's not as open to criticism as he thought he was. Maybe he's just as cocky as his character. 

He closes his eyes and takes a big breath of air, relaxing. Then he opens them. "What do you suggest, then?"

Mark takes a step closer to Donghyuck, as if they are no longer impertinently close. If Mark moves just a little closer, his Converse might collide with Donghyuck's sneakers, who stands still, frozen, self-absorbed in Mark's proximity.

"You could keep the attitude cold and arrogant, but with a wounded voice."

"And how do I act like that?" Donghyuck asks defiantly, about to say some joke about Mark thinking he's an expert or something. He should definitely be more open to criticism, but that's a problem he'll deal with later —there are other, more important problems he has to solve.

Mark stands still, looking at Donghyuck as if he were a puzzle, or maybe he's thinking about what to say. But after a few short seconds —which for Donghyuck could have been hours— he opens his mouth to speak. "You could lift your chin." He suggests, and puts his right hand on Donghyuck's chin, lifting it. Donghyuck doesn't react, freezes at Mark's action. He meets his eyes with those of the boy in front of him, and feels both weak and expectant. The situation feels like a poison, a poison to which he is addicted.

Mark strokes Donghyuck's chin with his thumb as his eyes drift down to his hand. Or maybe his lips. Donghyuck still looks into Mark's eyes, and his legs begin to move in a slight tremor. He knows all this shouldn't be, but then, why does he crave this so much? Why doesn't he move, why doesn't he pull away? 

Mark's thumb goes up to Donghyuck's fluffy lips, and he caresses them with a delicacy worthy of those pink lips. Donghyuck holds his breath, because there's no way this isn't a dream, no way this is really happening. Mark keeps caressing them, touching every corner, every wound hiding in them. Donghyuck opens his lips instinctively, almost reflexively. 

And they both know what the next move is. 

Mark raises his eyes to Donghyuck's, and though Donghyuck doesn't know what kind of look he's giving Mark right now, he knows it's not one of rejection, it's not one of denial. No word is needed, no thought is even necessary. Because it's the magnetic force doing its work, it's just the universe bringing two stray magnets together. 

That force that becomes tangible when Mark puts his left hand on Donghyuck's waist, pulling him roughly into his body, and the other hand moves it to the back of his neck. That strength that becomes tangible when their lips touch, desirous, perfect. That force that becomes tangible in a kiss. 

Both with their eyes closed they roam each other's lips, searching in unknown terrain for that feeling of pleasure that a new kiss gives. Mark's lips taste salty, perhaps from the chips he ate. Donghyuck opens his mouth slightly, and it's enough of a signal to Mark for his tongue to take a small step inside. Donghyuck is startled for a moment, as if having their tongues touching makes the force even more tangible. But having Mark so close, the desire for their breaths to mingle, the pleasure of Mark's hands on his body, force him to let him in, and force his tongue out to explore. Mark pushes Donghyuck down onto the bed, making him fall backwards onto it. Donghyuck's hands, previously gripping Mark's jacket, now move to his head, stroking his hair and intertwining his fingers in it. Mark rests his hands on the bed, at the same height as Donghyuck's head. And there is nothing to think about, nothing to make them stop.

At least for Donghyuck, because after a few seconds playing with their mouths, Mark quickly pulls away from Donghyuck, and rises fleetingly from the bed. Donghyuck takes a breath, as his chest moves up and down, heaving. He swallows saliva, and looks at Mark in confusion, who looks at him in fright, as if seeing a ghost in front of him. 

"Mark." Donghyuck whispers, and Mark averts his gaze from Donghyuck's, sweeping it across his room. 

Then he meets his eyes again, so starry, so crystalline, so pure and his very own, with those of the boy on the bed. "I'm sorry." he whispers, and walks briskly out of the room.

Donghyuck listens as Mark comes down the stairs, as the door to the house opens and closes. And there he stands, stretched out on the bed. With desire, pleasure and guilt coursing through his veins. His chest is still heaving, and eyes begin to leak tears that correspond to a confused heart, a broken heart, a whole heart. 

A heart that has just been lost, a heart that has just been found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED!!!!!!!! OMG what do you think? according to me, I'm not very good at describing scenes like that but I did my best kdhnsk  
> tysm for reading!!<3 love you


	11. Chapter 11

Guilt. 

What is guilt, why does it initiate. These are questions that everyone knows how to answer, but no one explains. Guilt is that thing that keeps you awake at night, or maybe it's that thing that makes you hate yourself. It starts because you did something wrong, because you transgressed a rule or because you hurt someone else. It's a feeling that consumes you, that eats you alive as you struggle to avoid the pain. It's a blunderous, killer feeling. It's a reminder, like it's an unresolved task. It's something you write down on a post it, and then stick on the wall so that every time you walk by, you see it and remember it. 

Guilt is pain, anguish.

Donghyuck is guilty. 

And a liar, too, telling everyone that he spent all day rehearsing today and didn't want to be disturbed, when what really happened was that he couldn't stop thinking —or crying. 

On Friday a lot of things should have happened, and a lot that shouldn't have. Donghyuck shouldn't have invited Mark after all his thoughts, shouldn't have let him get close either, shouldn't have accepted that kiss either. But those things happened, and there's no going back now.

So, it gives way to what should have happened.

Donghyuck should have walked away, kicked Mark out of the house, and run to tell Jeno what happened. He should have told his boyfriend that Mark is no one to him, that he will cut him out of his life, and that nothing is capable of breaking his relationship with Jeno. 

But that would be a worse lie than not telling Jeno at all. 

Because Mark is not nobody, he's not just a guy he can cut out of his life as he pleases. Well, he can. The problem is Donghyuck doesn't want to. 

He loves Jeno. Really, he loves him like he's the only thing he can hold on to. But Mark is different. Mark gives Donghyuck the fresh feeling of teenage years, the feeling of butterflies in the stomach, the nerves when meeting someone new. 

Donghyuck hasn't felt that for a long time. And he wonders if he ever really felt it at all. 

And when he thinks about it, everything seems simpler. Mark seems like the right choice, and it almost makes him want to run and break up with Jeno so he can kiss Mark peacefully. But that's horrible, even thinking about it feels like sin for Donghyuck.

Because would he seriously leave his boyfriend of years for a guy he just met? 

Everything is spinning, like a tornado that doesn't want to stop. Feelings spread all over the room, thoughts eating every part of his brain until they kill him. 

He is tired. He can't keep doing this alone.

Donghyuck picks up his cell phone, resigned. He can no longer hide what's going on, can no longer pretend that his perfect life with Jeno is still the same.

He can no longer pretend that Mark is just a friend.

"Can you come?" Donghyuck says as soon as the boy on the other end of the phone answers the call. He tries to keep his voice neutral, the last thing he wants is to worry him and warn the chaos he is now.

"Always." 

Donghyuck cuts the call, and knows there's no turning back. 

Donghyuck feels the knock on his door. He could very well send a message, but Renjun has always been an old man's soul trapped in a young man's body. 

Donghyuck doesn't have the strength to stand up, so he sends a message to Renjun telling him to get out the key hidden in the planter at the entrance, information that, apart from himself, only Jeno and Renjun know. 

After a few short minutes, he feels the footsteps grow louder and louder, announcing Renjun's arrival in his room.

"Lazy piece of shit." Renjun growls as soon as he opens the door to Donghyuck's room, revealing a boy lying on his bed, his gaze riveted on what Renjun would say the ceiling, but in truth is on nothingness. Renjun knows Donghyuck would answer something back, or just laugh. But the boy doesn't even flinch when Renjun walks in, immediately signifying that something isn't right.

"Donghyuck?" Renjun asks worriedly, propping himself up on his elbow and positioning himself on the empty side of the bed, right next to the other boy. Renjun stares at his face, and just seeing his blank stare and the fear in his eyes gives him goosebumps. Donghyuck has never looked like this.

Donghyuck sighs, heaving his chest. It's time. "Can you just... lie down next to me and listen to me?" It's a gentle question, a request that any other friend might ask another. But they're not just anyone. For Donghyuck and Renjun, that's a cry for help. A way of saying he doesn't want jokes, doesn't want snide remarks, doesn't want to do what they always do. 

Renjun nods, realizing immediately that Donghyuck is not well. He rests his back on the soft bed, and turns his head to look at his friend.

And then, Donghyuck begins. First he says the harmless, that which was nothing wrong but heralded an upcoming sin, like the fact that Mark is attractive and interesting, or the fact that Jeno doesn't feel so exciting anymore. Then, he tells him about his experiences with Mark. How they argue, how they laugh together, how he feels comfortable being with him.

Everything seems easy to tell, until it's time to tell what even just saying it feels dangerous.

Donghyuck looks around his room, as if there's a microphone or a hidden camera. He feels exposed telling thoughts that would only be for him, like how fast his heart was beating when Mark told him he was the sun, or like when Mark tickled him. And he knows that in telling that, there's no going back. And he relives the kiss in his head, as he lets every detail of that moment come out of his mouth. He strains to say every word, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat. There is no turning back. No way to be happy with Jeno, no way to run to Mark. There are no options. No options for people like Donghyuck. Liars, cheaters, culprits. 

After the last word, Renjun waits a few seconds before doing anything, making sure he's finished. As no other sound comes out of Donghyuck's mouth, Renjun stands up and puts his back against the headboard, taking his friend's arms to do the same. Then, Renjun puts his arm around Donghyuck, who puts his head on the other boy's shoulder. 

"You think you're a bad person?" Renjun asks, surprising Donghyuck. But he himself doesn't understand why he is surprised, as Renjun always asks those kinds of philosophical and psychological questions whenever someone in the group feels sad.

Donghyuck nods against Renjun's shoulder, knowing that if he opens his mouth one more time, he will lose any kind of composure he tries to maintain now. 

"I know why you think that." Renjun states. "I know it looks like the end of the world and that you are the devil made person. I know you look like a liar and a cheater. But no." Donghyuck lets a disobedient tear fall down his cheek, which slowly trickles down to land on his hoodie. It would seem that Renjun had described the very hell Donghyuck finds himself in. "The world always judges between good and bad, because they don't know the stories behind every person or every action we take. But I know your story, and I know you are not a bad person."

Donghyuck can't believe it, can't accept it. He shakes his head, pressing himself tighter and tighter towards Renjun. "I'm the worst person."

"You're not." Renjun says in his gentle, soft voice, the one that always calms Donghyuck in a way. "Like I told you, I know your story. And I'm not denying you did something a little shitty," Donghyuck's chest tightens, because even though he knows it, it's different than Renjun saying it. He feels a little offended, as if he has the right to feel that way. "But things aren't black or white. Things most of the time are gray, and sometimes they're tinged with pink, yellow or other colors. And that's what you are. You are not the color black, you are thousands of colors. You're not a bad person for making a mistake, we all do. It’s not the end of the world."

Donghyuck stands still, even his tears stop for the moment. He processes Renjun's words seriously, trying to internalize them in his head. He is right. Sometimes, things just happen, and those things lead to more things. Like mistakes, successes, or other things. 

Donghyuck made a mistake, a very serious and reprehensible one. But as Renjun says, maybe he is not a bad person. He just has to talk it out, he has to make time for it. Nothing is so terrible.

Until Renjun asks another question.

"And now, do you think you still love Jeno?"

Donghyuck's light of hope fades, and he drops every tear he held back, every sob he avoided. He bursts into tears, dropping his head on Renjun's chest, who immediately wraps him in his arms. 

He knows the answer. He loves Jeno, he knows it. And that's the worst of it. It kills him inside. What kind of person is he to hurt a person he loves?

The only thing heard in the room is Donghyuck's sobs, until he answers. "I do." 

Donghyuck feels Renjun nod, as he still has his head resting on his. Once the younger's sobs subside, Renjun begins to speak. "I know some things are hard to process, Donghyuck, But I have my theory and I'll tell you." Donghyuck feels his chest shrink, frightened by what he can hear.

Renjun continues. "I think your love for Jeno is not the same as always. As you grow up, love changes, people change, and relationships change. I think yours with Jeno changed. I know he's perfect and he's the freaking captain of the team, a prince. And I know that life is easy because Jeno is perfect and you're perfect and everything is perfect. But perfect is sometimes boring as shit, and as you know, Jeno is part of all that. He fucking takes you to the same place every Valentine's Day. So one day Mark comes along, this nice guy who makes you see new things. He makes you ride a motorcycle and takes you to a new park, it's like a bucket of water in the middle of the desert, or something like that. And I think yes, you love Jeno, but as the guy who's been with you your whole life. But life isn't just about the fucking basketball captain or who's more popular anymore. Life is about new things, it's about living it. So yeah, you fucked up a little bit, Donghyuck. But as much as it hurts, your breakup with Jeno was inevitable, with or without that kiss."

And then, Donghyuck feels a small breath of air manage to find its way into his lungs, bringing life to the whole mess he is now.

Renjun's words should be devastating, as he is practically telling him that everything with Jeno is over. But in some strange way, it does him good to hear that. It's like a reality stroke, the anchor he needs to move forward.

He doesn't deny that breaking up with Jeno pierces his soul, doesn't deny that the risk of losing him forever eats at his head and his heart. But maybe that's the way it's all supposed to be. The pain, the heartache, the bad decisions, maybe they're just a stage along the way, maybe they're what they need to grow up and be okay. 

Donghyuck nods against Renjun's chest, and his tears seem to want to be held back. He takes a deep breath to feel whole, and though he is scared to the core, he no longer sees black, but a mix of colors that tell him he is no longer trapped in darkness. 

* * *

But that feeling was not forever. 

An illusion, a deception. That was all it was. Nothing was for real, none of Renjun's words or the feeling of hope Donghyuck was beginning to feel. If it were all real, if Donghyuck —along with Jeno and Mark— really had a chance to come out of all this well, it wouldn't take just one night to shatter all his illusions. 

Of course, yesterday in Renjun's arms everything looked like it was going to be all right. Renjun wiped his tears and then they watched Friends on Netflix. It all seemed like a bad moment from a romantic comedy, insignificant because they know it will all work out in the end. 

But no, life isn't like that, and it only took one night for Donghyuck to wake up from his most recent dream. 

The sky is clear, the birds are singing and the flowers seem to be more colorful than ever. As Donghyuck walks, children run past him and a few stray dogs keep him company. He feels irritated. It's as if the world is playing a joke on him, as if nature is saying, "We got cute to watch your life get destroyed!"

What's worse, it's not just irritation he feels. Nerves, anxieties, fear and grief accompany him as well —and perhaps how many other emotions he is unable to recognize. 

This day may literally define his future. At his fucking seventeen years old he has to make decisions that could change his life. It seems like a joke, everything seems like a bad joke today. And knowing this was important, he gets the idea to screw up. 

Fantastic, Donghyuck!

He doesn't even realize he's already arrived when he plants his feet inside the theater. There are lots of boys and girls, mostly gathered in groups of friends who probably came to support them. It makes him wish his own were accompanying them too, especially Renjun —the only one who knows everything— but they all had something to do. And even if they didn't, he doesn't blame them, because why would they get up at 2 p.m. on a Sunday? If the earliest they get up on the weekends is 4 p.m. 

Donghyuck feels lonely to see so many people gathered with friends. But he knows that, throughout the day, he won't be, and that's what terrifies him the most. 

Trying not to pay more attention to his growing fear, he starts to admire the theater. It's located at Mark's college, but it's not the same one he went to when Mark had his exam. Since it is an arts college, it has many theaters, stages and performance spaces, both indoor and outdoor. Mark a week ago sent him a map of the campus so he could find out how to get to his theater, and when Donghyuck came to see Mark's presentation, he learned his way around. It wasn't too complicated, but he didn't have much time that day to admire the theater. 

And he hates himself, because the theater is beautiful, and although he now has all the time in the world to admire it, his nerves don't let him appreciate it the way he wants to. 

Donghyuck takes small steps through the theater, looking at the lights, the stage he'll be walking onto in a few minutes, and the heavy curtain that covers everything. He's been on stage many times, but nothing is like this. This feels very professional to him, it's as if his dream could finally come true. Just by looking at the theater, he feels how his dream becomes almost tangible. 

This is everything he wants. This is the university he wants. Those red chairs, that curtain that looks heavy as hell, those spotlights that look so expensive. Here is everything he needs to feel like anything is possible, to feel like his life is taking the path he's always wanted. 

He can't screw it up. Not today.

He recalls Mark's words. " _It's like an audition to get in but not as serious._ " Maybe he shouldn't take it so seriously, maybe he should enjoy the feeling of finally getting on a real stage. " _If you fail you get waitlisted or you can wait for a regular audition._ " If he screws up today, he gets a second chance. The nerves seem to want to go away, even if it's a tenth of them. Donghyuck's heart calms as he remembers Mark's words —that's what he prefers to think, and not that it's from remembering him. 

He continues to admire the theater. He notices that in front of the first row seats, there is a small table with papers on it. Probably there will sit the person who will evaluate.

Donghyuck immediately gets a picture of what it will be like. Him standing in front of the stage, saying that dialogue he worked so hard to learn. The lights pointing at him, the people looking on in awe and pride, engrossed in the great presentation he is giving. The person evaluating him smiles at him, and shouts that he is accepted. And then everything seems easy, everything seems perfect. 

It has to be.

Donghyuck wanders his eyes around every corner of the theater, when suddenly, very familiar hands cover his eyes from behind. 

"Surprise!" He exclaims, and Donghyuck doesn't have to turn around to know who it is. His body freezes for a few seconds, because he's not ready to face anything, and he can't look Jeno in the eyes knowing that his lips don't belong to him anymore. 

But he is an actor, and sometimes there are scenes he has to do even if they are not to his liking. 

Donghyuck turns away, and smiles in the most pained, lying way he can give. "Jeno." He says, letting the name out of his mouth in a whisper of distress, as if his name too will escape him at any moment, just as love did. 

"Are you okay?" Jeno asks, planting his delicate eyes on his, but Donghyuck can do nothing but stare at any space in the air other than the boy in front of him. It was obvious Jeno was going to ask, he knows Donghyuck in a unique, deep and special way.

He swallows saliva and closes his eyes as he presses his lips together, gathering strength to form a decent answer to come out of his mouth.

"Just nerves." He replies, opening his eyes and drawing a subtle, almost invisible smile on his lips. It's painful, every second that passes is torture.

He has to tell Jeno today, but not now. 

"You'll do fine!" Jeno smiles in that angelic way that is so common with him. "Just... be you. That's how you captivated me, that's how you'll captivate the audience!"

Donghyuck really could have confessed right there, because every word and smile that comes from Jeno is an accusation, it's a way of telling him he's a sinner. And if he had done that, everything would have changed roundly and suddenly, but the surprising presence of Jeno's friends immediately stops him from saying and doing anything.

"Jeno, why don't you tell us you were already with Donghyuck!" Lucas exclaims as he stands next to Jeno.

"Yeah, man! We want to see him too, don't keep it to yourself!" Hendery yells.

Donghyuck looks at them in surprise, because he never would have guessed these idiots would come. 

"I came with the guys so you'd have more familiar faces in the audience. You won't believe it, but they were excited." Jeno says, and just when Donghyuck thinks that apparently it's not so unpleasant to have the idiots here, Hendery opens his mouth.

" _You won't believe it?_ Dude, I would never miss seeing the hottest guy in school perform!" 

"Today it's theater, but tomorrow it might be something spicy, baby! You know what I mean!" Lucas exclaims winking at him, and added to all the other emotions Donghyuck hates to feel today, is disgust.

The boys go to sit at one of their own, and Jeno just scowls at them. "What the fuck?" 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "You know them, they're idiots."

Jeno shakes his head in disgust, then looks at Donghyuck. "Don't take any shit they say, okay?"

Donghyuck nods listlessly. And that's the last thing he does because then, a man announces over a loudspeaker that there's five minutes left, causing all the people to take their places. Jeno gives a quick kiss on the forehead to Donghyuck, who then just follows the other people backstage, ready for the world to be at his feet in a few minutes.

This has to go well. 

* * *

Donghyuck is not a person who is usually overwhelmed by bad things in life. Or so he thought, since in his life he never had common things that a 17-year-old teenager suffers in his daily life happen to him. But now, waiting for his turn to present a scene he rehearsed with a boy he kissed who _is not_ his boyfriend in front of his _actual_ boyfriend is more than he can bear, plus the fact that this is not just another presentation, but could define his future. 

As the other applicants presented the scene, Donghyuck was learning how the system works. The person goes on stage, says their name, and acts out the scene. It sounds easy, and if it were just that, it should be. But it's not, because on top of that, there's the evaluator judging whether they're good enough or not, and even though he doesn't say any words other than "thank you," his facial expression immediately dictates whether he liked it or not.

The girl on stage has just finished the scene, and to Donghyuck's eyes, she did quite well. But that scares him more, because since the girl did well, he has to do better to leave a good impression, as he is next. 

He walks up the steps to the stage after the girl came down and the evaluator invited the next one. The first thing he does when he gets to the center of the stage is look at the audience, but his view is overwhelmed by the strong spotlights shining on him at the moment. He blinks several times, trying to get his eyes used to the light. Then he looks at the evaluator, and says his name in a strong, confident voice. The boy who will help him interpret the scene stands next to him and gives him a soft smile. He is much taller than he is, but his innocent face and friendly smile gives Donghyuck a kind of reassurance. 

The evaluator signals him to begin, and Donghyuck takes a big sigh with his eyes closed, ready to begin. And then, he starts the scene, saying his dialogue. His voice is firm, strong, audible enough for the whole audience. He feels like the king of the stage, and forgets everything that overwhelmed him so much. Then the boy next to him responds with his dialogue, and it is immediately apparent that he is a professional actor, or at least studying to be one. The way he pronounces the words, the way he expresses the emotion of the character, the movement of his eyebrows and his hands, are indications that he knows what he is doing on stage. 

And it's time for Donghyuck to continue. That's what he should do. But while his body is on stage, illuminated by all the lights and with all eyes on him, his mind goes back to two days ago, back to Mark's lips. 

Donghyuck raises his chin as Mark had recommended, because he knows that what he has to do now is to get on with his performance, but the words seem impossible to get out of his mouth. With his chin moderately raised, looking as arrogant as his character, as confident as he should be, he feels more exposed than ever, as if everyone can see that scene with Mark, as if everyone knows what's going on in his head now. 

Donghyuck tries hard to say something, but it's as if he still feels Mark's fingers running across his lips. It feels wrong to perform this, bordering on dangerous. It's like showing on a big screen that little moment with Mark, that intimate and so wrong secret the two of them keep. And it's wrong as fuck to think that moment is something that should be kept, knowing that later Jeno will know anyway, and it will all come to an end. 

But he can't get his secret out in the open now, not in front of all these people who don't even know him. 

Donghyuck looks urgently at Jeno, perched in the middle seats next to his idiot friends. But his eyes pass over him and go beyond, to the boy at the back of the theater, leaning with his arms crossed on the wall and staring into his eyes. He returns his gaze, and feels the entire audience begin to murmur. Donghyuck knows that time is moving forward, but he is stopped in time, unable to say a word, unable to move. 

His eyes are still planted on Mark, who looks at him with such pain, gentleness and comfort. Donghyuck doesn't know what to do, can do nothing but stare at Mark. The boy peels himself off the wall, and with his hands gestures for him to continue. Mark looks at him in despair, and with his mouth mutters "go on". Donghyuck tries to do so, taking his gaze from Mark to involuntarily guide it to Jeno. 

And this can't be happening, it can't be that Jeno is looking at him with such sweet, compassionate eyes. It can't be that Jeno is giving him an encouraging smile as he plays this scene, which is Mark's and his. This can't be real. 

Donghyuck's gaze flies everywhere, dizzy and frightened. The boy next to him whispers for him to continue, but Donghyuck cannot. His tears are about to flow, yet his body freezes when he hears the evaluator speak loudly and firmly. 

"Thank you very much, Lee Donghyuck. Next, please."

And the stage turns to witness Donghyuck's whole world begin to collapse. 

He quickly flees the stage, tears building up in his eyes, ready to burst and leave. He doesn't know how, but he reaches a small room full of toiletries, and locks himself in there. 

The Donghyuck of the past would never believe that he himself would put on a show like this. The indestructible Donghyuck would never have done that, because he is strong, he is the king of the stage and the theater. The Donghyuck of the old days would have made it perfect, he would have rooted with everything. 

He can barely breathe properly. The world keeps spinning him around, everything seems to go in circles, infinite circles. This is a mess. It seems like everyone knows what he's done, that he's a cheater. 

Donghyuck staggers, and trips over his own feet. Everything keeps spinning, his eyes drowning in tears don't let him see straight. He is about to fall, and he knows he is about to faint. His body drops, and he gently closes his eyes, surrendered to the disaster that is now. But his body doesn't touch the ground, not even close, because arms wrap around him just in time and hold him up, against a heaving, racing chest. 

"Shh..." He whispers. "It's okay."

Donghyuck, with his arms and head against his chest, tenses at the sound of his voice. Not because he doesn't want him there, but because he knows that being near him is good for him, and it shouldn't be that way. But how not to fall for him? How not to surrender when he comes to his rescue like an armed knight? 

It's not the right time to think about it, but it all becomes clearer now. It's as if this is the only thing he needs to feel safe, as if it's the only thing he needs forever. 

Donghyuck relaxes his body in his arms, and his tears keep flowing, wetting Mark's shirt. He feels ashamed, or he should feel, at least the previous Donghyuck would be. But with Mark he feels no shame, he knows he understands. 

Maybe because Mark knows what it's like to be up on stage, knows what it's like to fail. 

Or maybe it's simply because he's Mark, and that's enough. 

"It's not the end of the world, okay?" Mark whispers, resting his chin on Donghyuck's head, who remembers Renjun's words. They're the same. "You still have another chance. You just have to work a bit harder and you'll make it." 

Mark pulls away from him a little, and puts his hands on Donghyuck's shoulders. "And you're not alone in this, okay? It'll be all right." He says.

Donghyuck looks under his cute eyebrows raised in the center, where his eyes as bright as the starry sky are located, looking deep into his. The closeness is dangerous, but it feels so right that it's impossible that this was wrong, or at least that's what Donghyuck feels. He was lost, so dizzy and overwhelmed, that Mark feels like a remedy for him, a cure to his illness. There's no way that's wrong. 

Donghyuck reciprocates his gaze, and he can't help but think it feels like the first time he saw him standing on the street with his cell phone in his hand, smiling at him. It feels like that time they were at school eating lunch, and Mark was giving him all the attention in the world. It feels like that time in the park, him with his head resting on the log, laughing at his craziest and funniest stories. It feels like that time he went to drop him home that cold night, and his eyes shone brighter than a thousand stars put together.

And he knows he'll regret this, knows that with his red eyes, his swollen cheeks, and his nauseous face he must look like a mess now, but Mark is what he needs right now. Mark is both the one who makes his heart race and the one who calms it. 

And he finds no other way to let him know it than to kiss him. 

Mark pulls away a little at first, but then stands still, and reciprocates. Donghyuck feels good, regaining his strength as if Mark were his source of life. He feels invincible, as if for a millisecond, they are the only people in the world.

But they are not.

They are not even the only people in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay!!! but I wanted to dedicate time to this chapter jsdns   
> feel free to leave a comment!! thanks for reading, ilyyy<3


	12. Chapter 12

Just one second.

Just one second is enough to turn the world completely upside down.

Just one glance, one kiss. 

It doesn't take more than one bad decision, one bad action, to turn your life completely upside down. 

Donghyuck learned this in the worst of circumstances.

His head keeps spinning. He is dizzy, exhausted. It's as if the day is endless, as if he's trapped in a hell he's unable to get out of. 

Just one glance, one kiss. And everything goes to hell.

Even though his head isn't working at full power, his body feels more alive than ever. He feels all the energy in the world coursing through his veins, beads of sweat trickle down his forehead and neck, and his legs move automatically, almost by instinct. It's like an adrenaline rush, a survival reflex his brain sends out to avoid pain, to avoid injury. It's just an illusion, a rush of strength before he collapses, before reality hits all his senses.

But for now, he just runs. 

He thinks of nothing but getting there. The world passes quickly in front of his eyes, and everything is tinged with a slight black blur. He doesn't even know if Jeno will be there, but it's the only place he can think of now. 

He is getting closer and closer. The path is familiar, he's walked it hundreds of times. He knows every tree, every rock along the way. But everything feels distant, as if things are not real, as if they are nothing more than an illusion. 

Donghyuck relives the moment in his mind. The scene repeats itself in an endless cycle. Each time it ends, the moment begins again. His kiss with Mark, a noise at the bedroom door, Jeno's pale, scared and disgusted face, him running away, and then back to the kiss. It's so fast but endless that it seems unreal, phantom scenes that keep repeating. Over and over, it never ends. It's something so stormy that even tears don't come out. He feels so frozen, icy, stuck in the moment, that all he can do now to feel like he's doing something, is run. His body moves forward, his mind is immobile. His memory is still stuck in the past, but he knows there is no going back. 

The figure at the door of his own house stops him completely, he hadn't even realized he had arrived. It's his house, and it's Jeno. They are the two things he knows most about in the world, but it all feels so distant still. However, the blurry, black landscape in before his eyes suddenly starts to become clear and colorful, showing that reality is right in front of his eyes, and it slowly enters his senses. Pain begins to be felt, adrenaline leaves his body. Every step he takes becomes torture, because he can't turn back.

The only thing he can do is move forward towards the end.

And the image in front of him tears him apart, destroying him little by little until he feels like dust. He feels tiny, and he knows that if Jeno looks up, he's going to finish him off completely. He wants to see his face to know what to say or what to do, but at the same time he is grateful that, sitting on the steps in front of his house, Jeno has his head hidden in the arms around his knees. He is like a child curled up in himself, wrapped in his own arms, in his own affection.

Because he has no one else to receive it from.

Donghyuck wants to cry, but the tears find it impossible to come. Fear consumes him, every attempt to do something is impeded by the inevitability of the end. Once he says or does something, it will all end. 

So he begins by calling his name to treasure every letter, every syllable, how his mouth molds as he says it, as he doesn't know if he will even be able to say it again.

"Jeno." The name comes out as a whisper, almost imperceptible, only heard through the air. He's standing several steps away from Jeno, so he probably hasn't heard it.

But just as he was about to say it again, regaining the strength to face the situation, Jeno lifts his head. His expression is tough, his eyes penetrate Donghyuck in the most painful way possible, because his gaze, no matter how much it tries to pierce him, no matter how much it tries to hurt him, is still that sweet and fragile gaze, being this time, accompanied by pain. 

"Why didn't you come to me?" Jeno asks, and Donghyuck doesn't guess whether he is irritated or neutral. Either option is painful, regardless.

Donghyuck stands frozen and confused. He shakes his head imperceptibly as he frowns. "What?"

"When you failed. In your presentation, when you failed, why didn't you come to me?" His gaze is still locked on his eyes, and his tone remains the same. 

"What are you talking about?" Donghyuck asks. There's no way this is real, he can't believe Jeno would ask that shit. He expected yelling, swearing, crying. He can't believe that's really what Jeno is most worried about.

"You know what I mean." Jeno stands up, causing Donghyuck to now look up at him and not the other way around. 

Jeno always made him feel like the king of the world, but now he feels smaller than ever.

He can't believe he has to answer this question of all the questions Jeno could ask. "Jeno, I don't know, I couldn't— It was full of people, you were with your friends, I—"

"Are my friends a problem?" 

Donghyuck doesn't see a hint of humor in Jeno, he shouldn't have to. But the whole thing feels like a black humor movie, it's surreal that this conversation is happening.

"Why do you ask that?" The confusion in Donghyuck's voice is noticeable, obvious and almost palpable. Everyone would be in his situation, but Jeno doesn't seem to think of it that way, as if his questions are the right and obvious thing to ask. 

"Tell me, are my friends a problem, then?" 

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows, and from his open mouth he lets air escape from his lungs. He can't believe he's going to seriously answer this. It's like a joke that has to be taken seriously. "What do you want me to tell you? I—"

"Tell me!" Jeno raises his voice, “Are they a problem?” And it's the point where Donghyuck can't hold back anymore. He's irritated that this is what he's worried about, annoyed that years of relationship would land on Jeno's stupid friends.

"Yes!" He raises his voice too, and there is no reaction from Jeno. "Haven't you heard the things they say about me? How they treat me?" His voice comes out as raspy as it is clear. And all the while, Jeno frowns as if what he says is from another world, which irritates him even more. "They don't have a respect for me or you! I can't believe you brought them! They're idiots!"

"Oh yeah?" Jeno interrupts him with his voice raised, Donghyuck was ready to say more things about his friends. "Sorry for having those kinds of friends! I'm sure Mark's are better."

"They are!" Donghyuck lets the words slip out of his mouth before thinking them over. "They don't treat me like I'm an object, they don't say dirty things about me either!"

"Oh, then why did my bad friends come to see you and Mark's didn't?" his ironic and mocking tone is both painful and irritating at the same time. 

"I didn't want your fucking friends there!" An angry tear slips down Donghyuck's cheek, which he quickly shakes off with his hand. It's like a competition of who breaks down first, and although Donghyuck is the one who should least want to win, he can't help it.

"Too bad for you, then!" Jeno's eyes start to turn red, something that always happens when he's about to cry. Donghyuck wants to die seeing him like this, but his undeserved pride prevents him. "I don't have any other friends, I'm not going to trade them for you."

"I didn't ask for that!" Donghyuck yells, no longer in control of anything that comes out of his mouth.

"Of course you didn't ask for it! Even if I introduced you to a thousand other friends you'd still prefer Mark's. So go away, you're free!" Donghyuck stares at Jeno undaunted, because he had never yelled at him like this before, he would never let him go without a fight. And then, he understands at last what this is all about. It is not Jeno who is talking, but the mask that covers his emotions now. He doesn't want to look humiliated, he doesn't want to show himself hurt, so he hides in this tough image as if he is disinterested in the main event. 

He wants to pretend that he is also capable of hurting Donghyuck the way he hurt him. But Jeno would never do that. Not like Donghyuck.

The younger doesn't let any more irreverent words escape his mouth, and watches him in dismay. Things shouldn't happen this way, the end shouldn't be like this. But how can an ending initiated by betrayal, be a happy one?

"Just go with him and his friends." The first crack in Jeno's mask begins to show, and Donghyuck knows that reality has struck at last. "They're better than mine." Jeno falls abruptly on the steps, exhausted, wounded, surrendered. The denial, the stupid questions... There's none of that anymore, it's all reality now. 

Donghyuck decides not to move, he doesn't want to make a false step as he watches Jeno finally open up. It breaks him to see him like this, but he can do nothing but watch him. This is the end. There is no other way out.

Jeno's gaze is lost somewhere in front of him. His eyes look tired, his face looks hurt. His chest rises and falls heavily, and his jaw is clenched. He shakes his head, and closes his eyes surrendering to the moment. They both already know there is no turning back. 

"This isn't about my friends, is it?" He raises his eyes to look at Donghyuck, who has never seen such broken eyes. "This is about us."

The other boy nods slightly, and decides to move for the first time, slowly approaching Jeno so he can sit next to him. Jeno looks quieter, or maybe he's given over to pain. Donghyuck feels bad to think he's better off this way, when he knows he should get every insult possible, all the blame in the world should fall on him. 

But Jeno would never blame him. 

"I knew that." Jeno says, his voice much calmer and his gaze pinned to the ground. "I think I knew even before you did." Donghyuck is unable to move, unable even to think. Jeno's every word comes in like a thrust. Deserved thrusts. "When you like something or are passionate about it, you always have a specific smile on your face. I see it when you talk about the theater, when you're with your friends, and I saw it when you told me about your outing to a park with him. So yeah, I've known it for a while." Jeno closes his eyes, and Donghyuck can't hold back his tears anymore. It's a quiet, calm, secret cry. His tears slide down his cheeks like raindrops on a window. They fall slowly and steadily. "But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." Jeno lifts his gaze to look at Donghyuck, and both pairs of eyes meet. Jeno's eyes are still red.

Donghyuck wants to hug him, to tell him everything will be okay. But how can he have the right to do that if he's the one who hurt him?

"I thought of you as the one person who would never hurt me." Tears don't stop flowing from their eyes. They both try to keep their composure, to look strong, mature, but all they accomplish by doing that is to break down more painfully.

"I didn't want this, Jeno, I- I would never hurt you on purpose." Donghyuck says through tears, as if his intentions matter. He knows the words he said are not fair, but this is not the way he wanted things to be, he would never do anything with the intention of harming his angel. 

"Then why?" Jeno asks, his nose and eyes red, his cheeks wet. "Why did you do it? Why did you ruin what we had?" his voice is raspy, like a wounded animal trying to defend itself until its last gasp. 

Donghyuck shouldn't be offended, but he feels that way. Ruin things? He didn't want that, not at all. His life was fine, everything was perfect. But what's perfection worth if you're not happy with it?

"Jeno, I didn't want to ruin this. I wasn't happy, it's not your fault." Donghyuck's voice comes out in a trickle, enough to be heard by Jeno.

"How can you not be happy? We were perfect." The volume of Jeno's voice begins to slowly rise. "You ruined perfection."

"Jeno, I wasn't happy!" Donghyuck exclaims, his pride damaged and shedding new tears of irritation. 

"So?" Jeno shouts.

"That's what's bothering you?" Donghyuck yells as well. "Your fucking perfection?"

"We were perfect!" Jeno exclaims as he stands up, his face red with fury and pain. 

"Then that's what you care about. Your fucking perfection being the team captain, your fucking popularity, your fucking ideal life." Donghyuck replies, and it's enough of a reality check for Jeno, who stands quietly staring at him with his chest heaving. "Yeah Jeno, we were goddamn perfect but not happy."

The older boy sits devastated again next to Donghyuck, hiding his face in his arms resting on his knees. 

This all feels like a roller coaster of emotions, from rage to calm and all over again. It's chaos, but that's how endings are. After a lifetime, there's no way this ending is happy.

"Maybe we were indeed broken up a while ago, but that doesn't mean you have the right to cheat on me." Jeno says through his teeth, and those words hurt Donghyuck the most. Because sure, maybe perfection wasn't right for both of them, but nothing justifies what he did. Deep down, he thought there was a way that everything could be fixed, that Jeno could still be a friend, that Mark would give him a chance to try something with him. But how can he ask for that, if he's a cheater? How could he expect to base his hypothetical relationship with Mark on what ended his relationship with Jeno? How could Mark trust him, if he was capable of hurting his lifelong best friend?

Donghyuck was aware of his situation, but the last drop of hope had just been broken. 

There is no way everything will be okay with Mark and Jeno, because angels like them can't fly to hell with him. 

Donghyuck tries with all his might to disguise the permanent damage of those words, staying silent until he waits for Jeno to say another word. In the silence, they both seem to calm their emotions, paving the way for a conversation that doesn't involve screaming and crying.

When it finally seems pertinent to speak, Jeno raises his head. "Do you love him?"

Donghyuck looks at him in surprise, it's the last question he expected now. "No, Jeno— That's not what this is about." He shakes his head.

"Then what is it?" Jeno asks trying not to let even one more tear fall, but it's impossible.

"It's about us, Jeno." Donghyuck's lower lip trembles along with his jaw, and he tries with all his might to hold back the fear and the crying. He can't completely break down now, it's time to talk. "We have been friends forever. For as long as I can remember it's been just the two of us, and every second of that... I owe you every second, Jeno. I owe you everything I am. Everything with you was always a fairy tale, and as a kid, it was all I wanted. But we grew up, didn't we?" Donghyuck takes a big sigh in between his crying. "Everything was always wonderful, but always the same. Everything became so flat from one day to the next that.... I don't know, just things started to be like that. The butterflies, the kisses, hugs... they stopped having emotion. But I didn't know that either." Donghyuck uses his sleeve to wipe his nose and tears. "I thought that's how things worked for everyone. But then—"

"Mark came." Jeno interrupts him, and his tears seem to stop.

Donghyuck nods slightly. "Mark came. And everything was new. And I knew that certain things weren't as good as they seemed between us, there were things that..." Donghyuck pauses before continuing, unsure of saying what to say next. But this is the right time, this is the time for the truth. "There were things that with Mark I felt and with you I didn't."

"And with him things are different?" Jeno asks looking directly into his eyes. "Is he what you're looking for?"

Donghyuck shakes his head in confusion. "I— I'm so lost, I don't know what I'm looking for, I don't know— I don't know what I'm doing, but something tells me I have to take the risk. Jeno, I— I love you— I didn't want these things—"

"Don't." Jeno interrupts him. "Just... don't. I know, but not now. You hurt me, Donghyuck. You were the only person I took for granted in my life and now— You're family, you always will be. But today... I don't know how things will be later, but not today, Donghyuck. Today we are not Jeno and Donghyuck. Not boyfriends, not friends, not family."

Donghyuck lets a tear fall, a tear he never thought he would shed. That tear of farewell, that tear that belonged to Jeno and him only. It falls down his cheek slowly, and the world stops on it. Everything seems to stop spinning, everything seems to stand still in time. The tear continues to slide down Donghyuck's face, and he stands still in the moment. This is Jeno saying goodbye, this is Jeno, the one who would never leave him, telling him that he is not his family. This moment is just the boundary between what was and what will be, between affection and pain, between fidelity and betrayal. 

The tear falls to the ground, and Donghyuck awakens from his trance. "I know."

He has no right to feel hurt, yet he does. Jeno's every word cuts him like knives in his body. The pain is so great it almost becomes bodily. He never thought the end would be this way, but is there even a right way to end it all?

Jeno takes a big sigh, and resting his hands on his knees, he stands up. He gives a small glance at Donghyuck, and then averts his eyes. "Goodbye, Donghyuck." 

Jeno directs his steps toward the street, and before he moves farther away, he turns around to see the boy who is no longer his own. His gaze is sweet, soft and confident. It's the same look he's had since they were children, the same look with which Jeno assured Donghyuck that all was well. That look that always made him feel protected, confident and safe. That same look that had never shattered him before, because they had never meant goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very special because it marks the end between donghyuck and jeno, showing many of their weaknesses, as it is for donghyuck his pride or as it is for jeno the importance of perfection.  
> i don't know if i represented it well or if you wanted a better ending for them, in that case, i'm sorry!!! but obviously it's not the final ending, they've been friends forever, things don't end from one day to the next!!!  
> please tell me what you think!!!<3 hope you are well, ily!!!!  
> oh, and i don't know how often i'll update now because college starts lol but i'll try my best!!!! tysm<333  
> oh and lastly JDSNJKS I took references from Friends and Angels like you by Miley Cyrus LMAO that's all bye

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?TT this fic is finished in my notes, so I won't take long to upload other chapters... anyways thx for reading!!


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